"It's like this when you live a story: The first part happens fast. You throw yourself into the narrative, and you're finally out in the water; the shore is pushing off behind you and the trees are getting smaller. The distant shore doesn't seem so far, and you can feel the resolution coming, the feeling of getting out of your boat and walking the distant beach. You think the thing is going to happen fast, that you'll paddle for a bit and arrive on the other side by lunch. But the truth is, it isn't going to be over soon."
Somedays on the race can be hard days. The sun shines the hottest, the humid air heavy around me, causing sweat to drip nonstop from my now tanned face to the ground, a teammate's sarcastic remark stinging for the remainder of the day, the silence of God, seeing others receive words of affirmation from people and gifts of the Holy Spirit in development and getting none myself. I've never known a lonelier feeling like I do on those kind of days, an alienating and foreign aching from within, the lack of confidence in leading my team, the constant fight of not wanting to be vulnerable to my teammates, the kind of day that only my Bible, journal, and Kindle can get me through.
Those things make up the realities of the race. On those days I close my eyes and think how sweet it would be to come home. The race is no longer a sweet dream that I once imagined living. Once a dream becomes reality, true hardship begins. You never have to work hard in your dreams but in reality you not only work hard, but you sweat, you cry, you make choices to leave behind an old life, and when you've done so you look at the life you left behind and think you had it good but you can never go back to it with the same set of eyes. You don't actually get anywhere in your dreams by merely dreaming and in real life, you do get somewhere, even when you feel like you're backtracking at times. I like to refer it to failing forward. So keep at the hard days, because most of the time, a bad day is followed by a good day, and a good day could be followed by a bad day, that following a conflict, resolutions awaits on the other side.
This month in Honduras, we are sweating hard, the seven of us live in small confined spaces on the grounds of the orphanage. The five girls share a room, 3 on the bunk beds and 2 on the floor. We even hear each other in the bano. I never get a moment alone, the only 1 of the two rules on the race. Not dating being the other rule. We all acquired Spanish names, or at the very least, our names called with endearing exotic accents by the little ones. Meg is now Margarita, Kaitlyn is Katalina, Sara is Sarita, Jen is Yen, Bryan is Brion, Andrew is Andres and I am Yackie.
We love the kids to pieces. Jona is the big eyed Indian looking 3 year old that wins the best smile award who suffered from malnutrition and had worms in his stomach that eats all his food as he eats each meal. Brandy, aka chunky monkey, is the little 4 year old rascal son of Tia Nadia of Cassita #3. Wendy is the 3 year old girl who has an intestinal disease and is going to be having surgery to remove part of it in a few months. Please say a prayer for her. Josue, age 4, is a lash batting charmer of a boy who runs away when I ask him for besos.
Carlito, age 4, love to wear his superman shirt and Jonathan his brother, both are sons of a mom who used to stay at the the casa grande who cried in my arms the first time I met her because she couldn't see her sons, but later I found out she was banned from staying a that girls home because she had some issues of abusing her kids and the other girls. There's also Brianna who is so pretty with her doey eyes, I imagine her growing up like a Halle Berrry type, she loves to nuzzle up to my neck and rest her head onto my shoulder. Kaila, a 20 year old Thania Newton lookalike who is the Tia's assistant for Cassita 2, loves to chat and call me her Chinita. And the boys house, Cassita 1, Tia Sandra and her son Thomas age 11, so cute and sweet and helpful and calls out "Hola Yackie" about 50 times a day.
" I put my head by the beer to get some cold air, and it doesn't matter that I had a condo back home or a bed, " (or in my case a petite boudoir in the mission overlooking the SF skyline) " because you become the character in the story you are living, and whatever you were is gone."
I am now a very tanned woman who speaks broken Spanish and occasionally in Chinese, a woman on the verge of a spiritual and physical breakthrough as she lives the hard days dripping sweat one drop at a time. She holds the aforementioned kids on her lap and becomes more secure day by day as she prays to God and faces her fears and insecurities one day at a time, as she lives with six others in intentional community. She looks forward to reveling in beauty designed by her Father, who promised her this year is about a faith adventure, she is on a Father daughter treasure hunt. (To be continued – I'll write about my first treasure hunt next time)
*All quotes in purple are taken from A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller
A video of me feeding Jonathan, 3 year old, one of my favorite little boys here, with malnutrition.
Please pray for the funding to be coming in daily as the orphanage we work with are nonprofit and based on private and church donations only, please also for all the work of the orphanage and the girls home we are working with this month, the name of the ministry is Open Door Ministries, please visit their website if you would like to donate to their ministries as they will need funds to cover their doctor's fees ( I just went to the doctors with 15 kids today and some have tonsilitis and ear infections a few have parasites and worms in their systems), costs for operation feeds, food for all the orphans and all their daily needs. Your prayer and help is much appreciated!
