The worst part of training camp is finally over. By now, we've trained physically, starved and were sleep deprived. I've gone without showers for half the time of camp and have gone completely coffeeless and makeupless without going insane (what what?), and I've finally broke down and faced God with my deepest insecurities and in return I’ve felt another level of freedom in Christ and responsibility for others – the good kind.
Thursday, the highest of highs came when I finally came face to face with my new teammates, the moment we’ve all have been waiting for all week. There are 6 of them. These people are the ones that have been selected by God and through intentional prayer picked by leaders to walk with me on the same team during our race. Andrew, Jen, Meghan, Sarah, Bryan, and Kaitlyn. Guys, I know we've only just met, but I feel like we're already meant to be together, even during that exercise when we "faught" and the worst of ourselves came out, we forgave and gave good feedback to each other. I love you already! More on each of you later.
Not to mention I have been invited and am so incredibly honored to accept the task of leading this team of strong yet humble men and women. Me? Little me? Wow. God I am speechless.
Friday morning, I got up earlier than anyone else and went to pray for my team, we now call ourselves Fire Starters (more on the name later). Then I put on long pants and even dabbed on some makeup, for what I'm not sure why then, but God had every intention in even the slightest detail of ordering of my days like makeup and long pants.
On my way back to camp from getting ready, I giggled at the jokes from squadmates as we walked along down a grassy hill, the morning dew is thick on the grass and I felt the wetness with my flipflops. But whatever my teammate said was way to charming and I didn't quite pay attention to the ground below me. I suddenly slipped and fell on the grass. I tried to get up but felt shooting pain on my right foot. I grabbed blades of grass in my fingers and grimaced from the pain. My first reaction was "oh sh*t", my second reaction, I wanted to cry.
Suddenly Noah, our squad's Tarzan-like manly man came out of nowhere and offered to carry me back to camp. My would've been tears turned into a smile as onlookers watched him take me into his arms and step by step carry me back among the L Squad tents. As we arrived, another squadmate offered up her sleeping bag and I was set on to it. At this point, everyone on the Squad, all 62 of them crowded around me and began to pray and lay hands on my now swollen ankle. For the next 30 minutes instead of whatever fitness assignment we were supposed to have been doing, the air rang true with singing, praises, worship songs, scripture reading, and sincere prayers of healing from all directions around me. I looked up and see faces smiling back at me. I am touched. When I fell, God used Noah to carry me from a place of hurt and pain to a place of worship. Something magical happens when we replace our cries of woundedness with cries of worship. If you were there that magical morning, I'm sure you'd agree too. And in case you're wondering, the long pants instead of my usual shorts came in handy from people carrying me around from place to place, and the makeup.. well it was nice to look nice while being circled by my entire squad.
"True worship heals any wounds." – Rick Joyner, The Final Quest
Fast forward a week and a half, I'm now back home in the San Francisco Bayarea, my ankle is in a cast, I've been elevating my leg and am on crutches. But I've also tasted so much of God's love and goodness ever since my fall.
The list of "lessons since my fall" keeps growing:
1. What brokeness looks like. My ankle is broken, perhaps a literal way for God to teach me what true brokenness means, in forsaking reliance on myself, in forced letting go of control as I go through the treatment and healing process and learn to vulnerably depend on God first, then family, friends, and community.
2. What true community looks like. The entire squad is praying for me now and served me in the last 2 days at camp by carrying me, packing for me, bringing me food, driving me to the hospital, taking me to the airport, offering up their apartment and couch for me, caring and praying for me in the middle of the night, pulling my hair back when I puked from the painkillers, etc. etc.
3. What pride may do. I asked God, why did this happen, why did I fall. One thing I realized was there may have been a hint of pride in my heart when I was chosen as a team lead. The Bible says: "Pride comes before a fall" and God is teaching me to only boast in Him, not in myself for even just a little bit. I repent of any pride I may have in my heart, and know that God is faithful in forgiving me.
4. What the devil meant for harm, God will use for good. I will have a whole list when I'm done with this injury and healing. But the first was last Sunday when a group of my Bayarea friends prayed for me outside a restaurant (I wasn't there), a homeless man went up to them to see what's going on and asked for prayer. "Please pray for me because I want to live forever". So they prayed for him to live forever, and explained that there's truly a way to do so, to freely accept Christ, and live eternally with Him. He proceeded to do just that and received salvation!! PTL.
5. What a warrior is like & what true healing feels like. My identity is stripped of myself completely after the fall. I am a warrior in Christ, wounded for His battle and looking forward to fighting a good fight. My status is in healing mode. I'm praying and awaiting for my healing. I'm still in the midst of learning this lesson, so I'll end it with a section from the book I'm reading now, called The Final Quest.
"In the very place that the enemy wounds us, once we are healed, we are given the power to heal others. Healing was a basic part of the Lord's ministry, and it is also a basic part of ours. That is one reason why the Lord allows bad things to happen to His people, so that they can receive the compassion for others by which the power of healing operates."
"Every wound that every warrior takes will result in others being saved, healed, or restored. "
In Jesus' Name, Amen
If you've read thus far, please say a prayer for the complete healing of my ankle fractures, and support me financially.
