What is the benefit of silence? What is real solitude? How does it fit into intimacy with Christ and others?
These are some of the questions I am pondering and working through right now. (Ironic, considering I will soon be living in tight quarters with a team of others for 11 months…)
I have felt God leading me to deal with my addiction to distractions and seek greater silence in my life. I have found this very, very difficult – I am EXTREMELY addicted to my distractions, both the physical ones of TV, music, friends, and the mental ones of task lists and worries. I know I am not alone in this. In our modern world, the distractions are greater than ever and we are less equipped to deal with silence and solitude than most past generations.
I would suggest checking out "The Way of the Heart" by Henri Nouwen. It's a short little book I'm borrowing from a friend. I'm not yet finished with it, but its insight is astounding. Coming from scripture and the life of St. Anthony, it examines the practices of silence and solitude.
St. Anthony , the son of Egyptian peasants in the 3rd century, is known as the father of monks. He went into the desert for 20 years in solitude because he felt God calling him to "flee, be silent, and pray always". Can you imagine following that call?
Nouwen makes many more observations than I could go into on this blog, but one of most interesting is on the nature of solitude. Nouwen comments:
"The idea of solitude has been distorted by our world…When we say we need solitude in our lives, what we are thinking of is a time and a place for ourselves where we are not bothered by other people, can think our own thoughts, express our own complaints, and do our own thing, whatever it may be. For us, solitude often means privacy… [but for the saints] solitude is not a private therapeutic place. Rather, it is the place of conversion, of transformation, where the old self dies and the new self is born."
Nouwen goes into much greater detail about what he means by "transformation" and "conversion". But he goes on to add that the saints' version of solitude leads us to a place of emptiness and nothingness (something opposite to my personal thoughts on the nature of solitude). Nouwen believes that emptiness is essential, though.
"In solitude, I get rid of my scaffolding – no friends to talk with, no texts to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain, no book to distract, no lists to organize, no schedules to plan, no tasks to do – just me, Naked, vulnerable, weak, sinful, deprived, broken – nothing. It is this nothingness that I have to face in my solitude, a nothingness so dreadful that everything in me wants to run to my friends, my work, my distractions so I can forget my nothingness and make myself believe I am something."
But it is in this nothingness that we encounter the God of creation. It is in our nothingness that we realize He is THE Something, the Meaningfulness. We cannot realize the extent of His significance until we realize the depth of our insignificance.
It reminded me so much of John 15:5 – "He who abides in Me, and I in him, will bear much fruit; for without Me, you can do nothing."
On the Race this coming year, I realized I will be more distracted than ever (by different distractions, though) and more able to believe and trust in my own significance than usual. However, in anticipation of these struggles, God is teaching me about this concept of solitude. I am realizing God is leading me to cultivate a spirit of spiritual silence so that I can be better juxtaposed to Him for the the Race.
I must embrace my nothingness so He can be my Everything. "He must become greater; I must become less" (John the Baptist, John 3:30)
If you are praying for me, please pray that I can understand these things better and that God can become greater and I can become less. Thank you!
