Going into Training Camp I was super nervous. What if my squad mates are complete lunatics? What if they don’t like me? How in the world will I get to know 40+ people in one week. I was so overwhelmed. It seems like as soon as I got to camp the nerves turned into fear and lies brought on by satan.
They don’t like me. I’m not interesting. I have nothing important to say. I bring no value or importance by being in this group. If I left now no one would notice. It’s impossible for me to make deep relationships in a week so why try?
On top of all these internal feelings it was freezing pouring rain all day the first day, we were smelly, hungry, tired, and the AIM staff was just getting warmed up with their training camp shenanigans.
Through a few days of nonstop teaching and worship I really felt God was demanding me to stop being fearful. To stop being comfortable. I had no idea how to do that, still don’t for the record, but a song we sang really stuck out to me during this convo with God.
“Love be in my bones. Love tear down my walls.”
The last year I’ve really been trying to focus on love. Through loving God and others all the other things such as kindness, serving, ministering ect.. Come with it. Without love I can do nothing. So I prayed that through God’s love for me, I would be able to open up, love my squad mates, and let God tear down the walls of fear in me.
Fast forward a few nights:
They spoke on prophecy.
Not used to that one.
I agreed with a lot of what they had to say and disagreed with some as well, but that’s a whole different blog post.
Anyways, they had us pair up, pray for the person silently and ask God for some sort of word. I was very confused and hesitant but I gave it a shot. The only thing that was even in my mind was the word cherish, so that’s what I told my partner Kaci. I didn’t know if that meant anything to her but oh well!
Then she told me she didn’t know if what she got was for herself or me, but she saw a pool and diving head first into it, not tiptoeing. And the song we sang at camp “Love be in my bones. Love tear down my walls.” Came to her mind as well.
Coincidence? I think not.
Then things got really weird.
We made two circles, one circle on the inside and one on the outside. The people on the outside closed their eyes and the people inside found someone, laid their hand on their shoulder, and the person with their eyes closed asked God for a word for the person touching them, shared with them, and then opened their eyes.
I was in the inside first so I just found some girl I’d never seen, put my hand on her shoulder and waited? like a really long time. Almost everyone was done by the time she started talking to me. I thought it wouldn’t work for me.
But then she said that she felt God telling her that I’m fearful for many reasons and he wants me to know I have value and not to be scared. Then she said the song “Love be in my bones. Love tear down my walls” came to her mind. Then she opened her eyes.
I was bawling.
There’s no way she could have known what I was going through, what song spoke to me most during the week, what Kaci had said to me already. There’s no way. It was all God. It was amazing. It was blowing my mind.
Then it was my turn.
Deep breath.
Went to the outside circle.
Closed my eyes.
And prayed God would send me someone who he wanted to use me to encourage.
Then someone touched my shoulder.
I just prayed God would show me something. Anything he showed me I’d share.
Then I saw a wooded area.
“Okay God, maybe show me something of value?”
Then the words courage, bravery, and strength came to mind.
“Okay God, but is this you or is this me letting my mind wander. I mean. I’ve been living in the woods for almost a week now.”
No change.
So I started telling whomever was touching me.
“Okay?so I’m not used to this and I could be totally wrong and sorry if I am but I see a wooded area and the words courage, strength and bravery come to mind. Sorry if that means nothing. Okay that’s all”
Then I remember thinking/praying “please dear God don’t let this be a skinny little girlie girl who has no earthly clue what I’m talking about. That would be so embarrassing.”
Opened my eyes.
I saw a mountain man.
No joke. My first thought was “Oh yes a mountain man!”
He was smiling ear to ear and told me that he’s actually moving to Kenya long term, he’s never been there and all week Gods been bringing up bravery to him and encouraging him even though he has no idea what to expect. He’s never been there before.
Then we both laughed and jumped up and down because neither of us thought this would work. So much joy!
Afterwards I met up with Kaci and she said that the person who encouraged her also mentioned the word cherish to her! How cool is that!?
Blow my mind right?
That’s a little snippet of my week. So much happened and if I wrote it all down it would be a novel. But I do want to introduce you to my team 3D!
Back left: Andrew, Troy, Me, Kayla
Front left: Kerry, Miranda, Ashley
We are team 3D which stands for daring, dangerous, dauntless. Diamonds were a big part of this week for our squad and diamonds are not 1D or 2D but 3D. It’s perfect really.
I already know these people are going to challenge me, encourage me, strengthen me, laugh with me, cry with me, and make me come out of my comfort zone and face my fears. I’m so ridiculously excited for it! Subscribe to their blogs, instagrams, twitters, facebooks, the works! They’re amazing people I have the privilege to do life with this year!
Sent from my iPad
