Two blogs in one week?!
Well, when you have a month like this one you end up having a lot of down time to think and write blogs.
At the beginning of the race I knew I wanted to use blogs as a way for me to connect with people back home; my supporters, family, and friends, to bring them along with me on this adventure. I chose from the start to be open and honest, not sugar coating things for the sake of a sweet sappy blog. I’m an open book in person so why would I be anything else through my blogs. And if I’m going through hard things and don’t tell the people at home then they’ll have no idea what I’ve been through when I get home!
I digress.
Another thing I told myself from the start of the race is that I WILL NOT hit the 7 month wall that every racer seems to hit.
Well, it’s month 7 and that wall has been hit. Every day. Multiple times a day. Actually if you were to look at me you’d think I was just running into that wall over and over and over again.
There’s nothing specific to pinpoint my mood. In fact from the outside you’d see a lot of blessings this month for my team. And I’m well aware of all of them. But the mood is still there.
I felt this mood creeping up before the month started and I tried my hardest to keep it away. Now, however, I’ve realized that I don’t have to enjoy every second of the race. I actually gave that as feedback to one of my teammates this week and, ironically, it turns out I needed it for myself.
We all have highs and lows in life and that’s okay. Without the lows our highs don’t get as much glory as they should. Life would be cool for a while if it only had highs, but then the highs would seem normal and not as appreciated after a while.
It’s what you do in these moments of life that matters. This is not just for people on the race, this applies to everyone.
You can spend these moments wishing them away, complaining, and counting down the days. And trust me, I’ve done all those things this month and it doesn’t make you feel any better.
Or, you can accept that this season of life sucks but that doesn’t mean you need stay stagnate until you’re out of the season.
What does that look like for me?
1. It looks like celebrating the victories of the day. When someone buys you a Fanta or French Fries. When your contact makes spaghetti for dinner because you LOVE their spaghetti. When there’s milk for the coffee in the mornings. When you find cheap Nutella at the store.
(… Awkward… I just realized all my victories included food or drinks..)
2. It looks like an active mindset of growth in your personal relationship with God. When I get home from ministry and I want to just “blah” for 4 hours before going to eat dinner and go to bed, I just lay there and talk to God. I don’t take anything off the table when talking to him either. Whatever is on my mind is brought up. And guess what? When he said he’s “The prince of peace” and our comforter… He meant it. Go figure. He knows what he’s doing and he’s there to help if we can muster up the strength to belly flop on the bed and grumble our issues to him while our face is smothered into a pillow.
3. It looks like a lot of reading. I’m not talking Nicholas Sparks books or children’s books. (confession, I did look up both today to get on my kindle app but I refrained) I’m talking about Jesus rocked me in this book, I see him differently, I see the world differently, and my life is changed– those kind of books. Not to escape from your present but to keep moving and growing towards God regardless of your situation.
4. It looks like finding close friends and talking through things. Or finding friends who will just be with you. For example, I’m laying in a bed right now. Dinner is being made and I’m writing this blog. Potatoes are boiling, brownies are baking, steaks are grilling, corn is simmering (like I said, I like to find my victories in the food) and then the power goes off. Pitch black in the house. Food stops cooking. And all I hear is silence because I already know what the rest of my team is feeling. Kayla opens my door and I turn on my flashlight so she can find her things. And then she just lays next to me. Words aren’t needed. But the fact that we know each other so well and know what the other is feeling or needing is comforting even in times like these. We didn’t get this way by putting on a fake face and hiding what we feel inside. That gets us nowhere and tears us apart from the inside. It’s necessary to find those people you can be 100% open with so they can sit with you while you’re running into the wall over and over again.
This is what my month looks like. It’s not pretty. And honestly, it’s really not fun most of the time. But I’m still finding victories. I’m still growing closer to God. And I’m still fully invested in these people I get to call friends for life. And sooner or later (maybe 10 days to be exact) I’ll be moving on to a new adventure and I’ll start making my way onto the next high God has for me.
As for now, I’m going to eat my steak dinner, possibly in the dark, and take my month one day at a time.
Sent from my iPhone
