Every Monday night, when we were living in Guatemala, we had this thing called Worship and a Word. Our squad’s worship coordinators (my friends Julia and Caela) would lead worship, and then one of our teams would share a word with the squad. On our last Monday there, my team was in charge of leading the word part of the night, and it was amazing!
Before heading into Monday night, we spent a lot of time, and I mean a lot of time, planning what we wanted to speak about. Our squad was about to head to Cambodia and be split up for our final three months, so we wanted to be conscious about speaking into the fear, sadness, and confusion that people were experiencing. When spending time in prayer, and asking what God wanted the squad to hear from us, many people on my team heard words about peace. Knowing that the Lord is with us as we finish this race was something we really wanted to emphasize, because we know that believing this is what gives us the peace we desire.
After discussing a lot of what we wanted the night to look like, we decided to make it a night of speaking truth. We wanted to take the fears, the lies that people were believing, and speak truth into them – and we wanted to be honest as well. We talked about our own fears and struggles, and decided we wanted to share them with the rest of the squad. We did this by using “cardboard testimonies”. Four of us stood up with a piece of cardboard with a word written on it that we believed about ourselves on one side, and the word that God said was true about us on the other side. We got to stand up in front of our peers and tell them about how choosing to believe what God said is true about us can turn around our attitude and give us hope despite what we might be feeling.
The words on my piece of cardboard were Confusion and Trust.
The past few months it was really easy for me to get frustrated when I couldn’t understand what God’s plan was. I didn’t know if he wanted me to go to college after the race, and if he did, which college I should choose. I was confused at how a plan he called so good could be so hard. I didn’t get how I was supposed to know which was the right decision. I wanted God to give me clear answers, even though I knew that wasn’t the way he worked. I got so caught up in trying to plan my own future that I forgot it wasn’t mine to plan in the first place.
Then one day as I was sitting in my bunk bed asking God what he would have me do, the song “My Savior My God” by Aaron Shust came on the playlist I was listening too (when you don’t have phone service and only having access to the songs that were dowloaded on your family iTunes account from the early 2000’s you listen to lots of old worship songs – my team laughs at me for it – I love it :). The first line of the song says “I am not skilled to understand what God has willed, what God has planned”. I heard these words and it hit me, I’ve literally been created to not understand God’s plan – it’s the way he made me. We as humans worship a God so much bigger than anything we could ever imagine – there is no possible way we could understand all of the ways that he works. We just have to trust him.
I’ve been learning a lot about what it means to trust the Lord with the plan he has for my life. Trusting God means placing the future in his hands and allowing him to work in his timing. Trusting God means keeping my eyes open for the opportunities he has for me. Trusting God means understanding that he is not a God of closing doors, but a God of redirecting. Trusting God means knowing that even though something might be hard, it can still be a part of his good and perfect plan. Trusting God means there is no worry. Trusting God means there is no fear. Trusting God means joy. Trusting God means peace.
The song goes on to say:
“My Savior Loves, my Savior Lives
My Savior’s always there for me
My God; He was, my God; He is
My God; He’s always gonna be”
And it made me realize.
My God was in control before I was born.
My God had a plan for my life before I even existed.
My God still has that plan for me now.
My God is going to have that perfect plan for me until I die.
And I never have to be confused because my Savior is always going to be there for me, walking beside me in every step I take.
And I never have to be frustrated because my Savior loves me, and when you love someone you always want the best for them.
You see, I wasn’t created to be God. I was created to be his child. And children don’t always understand the plan their parents have. And children don’t always like the plan their parents have. But they can trust their parents. And they can trust that what their parents have planned for them is good. Because that is what a parent wants for their child – for them to be happy.
I trust that God’s plan for me is good.
I trust that God’s plan for me is perfect.
And I trust that when I say these things – they are the TRUTH.
So I choose to believe them.
below is a video of my team speaking truth that night
