I was journaling about things I have been struggling through for years and now again more recently since being here and I was asking myself the question, “Why do I continue to struggle?” I read my Bible, I commune with God, I have a good community surrounding me, and I try my best to do what is right and to keep His commandments. So why do I continue to struggle in sin if I am doing all the “right” things?
I don’t think I’ll ever know exactly why I continue to struggle the way I do – except that the enemy hates me and as a disciple of Christ I can endure it.
I wrote this blog in my journal wanting to have it to build me up when a weak moment comes again, but then as I was finishing it, I felt the Holy Spirit title it “To All You Soldiers of God” and felt like other people need this too because I know I am not the only one who struggles. So, for whoever reads this, I pray this will be a call to battle and an encouragement to keep the good fight!
I was sitting in the sun alone with God one morning and that is when I asked Him the question above. All of the sudden the Holy Spirit told me to go to 2 Timothy 2. (Now this was SUPER cool because I do not remember where things are in the Bible off of the top of my head so I KNOW without a doubt that it was the Holy Spirit.) Then, when I turned to it, it was titled, “A good soldier of Christ Jesus.” THANKS GOD FOR NOT LEAVING ME IN THIS QUESTIONING!!
In this passage, He calls us to be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus and to think over what He says, “For the Lord will give you understanding in everything.” After I read that it made me think, “Well, we never understand everything…” (that’s just how my brain thinks.. I am working on it haha) just like my question above. So, I decided to keep reading and not let this question stop me from hearing what God has to say.
Then later in the chapter it says, “Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work”(v21). I read a book last summer called Victory in Spiritual Warfare and it really opened my eyes to how each and every day we need to die to ourselves and confess everything we have done wrong and then if we miss something, ask the Lord for conviction and to bring it to our attention so there will be nothing between us and God. I started to form a habit where if, for example, I said something that wasn’t as nice or did something wrong, I would be quick to repent and then apologize to the person. Getting into that rhythm really helped me feel close with God because it didn’t feel like I was being weighed down by anything or that there was any unfinished business. Those two things alone can really put a damper on any relationship so it’s so good to address it!! That is why it is said so many times through scripture that God is a God full of grace. If we keep coming to Him with what we are battling, then we can better be in alignment with what God wants to speak into us and how we can get through any situation. And, as stated above, be used as a vessel for honorable use and set apart as holy!! Who doesn’t want that?!?!
In a nut shell, we are called to be soldiers of Christ for a reason. It’s a constant battle that we face whatever our sin is. But, if we cleanse ourselves by going back to God every time, we can and still will be strengthened by His grace every time because that’s how much He loves us. I have come to learn the hard way that when we let the enemy take a foothold in us with unconfessed sin, we will find ourselves drifting farther and farther from God due to guilt and shame. But He wants to make us white as snow so we can be in communion with Him each and every day; aka FFRRREEEEDDDDOOOOOMMMMMM!
He knows we aren’t going to do it perfectly. Even in verse 15 it starts by saying, “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved.” We don’t have to have it all together when we go to Him after we did something wrong. It may seem useless after a while of slipping up over and over and over again to think we will ever get over something. But thanks be to God that He knew it would be hard and that we would get frustrated and possibly even give up for a while. That’s why He has the grace that He freely gives. Keep trying your best! If you fall short, that’s ok! God sees you trying and He is here to help you, not to condemn you.
The line that really stuck out to me about this was in verse 24 when he talks about how the Lord’s servant shall be and it says, “patiently enduring evil.” I wanted to unpack these three powerful words with what I believe God was speaking into me. The first word is patiently. That includes not only waiting, but giving ourselves grace in the process. If we didn’t give ourselves grace, it will be the most frustrating and impatient time ever. The second word enduring here to me means that it’s a battle and we need to put on our whole armor (Ephesians 6:10-18) every day to keep pressing against the urges of the flesh and attacks of the enemy. Then the third word evil because it is and always will be against us while on this earth and we need to remember that. I think about when I hear the word evil, it is a very strong word. And that is true. It is strong against us, but our God is stronger and as His son and daughter, we have authority over evil and have everything we need to win because it has already been won. We are fighting from victory!
Don’t give up! With God on our side we can and will endure. He never leaves us to do it on our own. He gives us His word, our communities, His Holy Spirit, and the anointing as a son and a daughter of the most High!
If you find yourself struggling with sin or any sort of thing that is not God honoring, please feel free to read 2 Timothy 2 and allow yourself to be filled with God’s Word to become a strong Soldier of God.
