“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” – Jesus, John 14:1
As I walked along the streets of Valle de Anton toward church yesterday morning, I was overcome by a sense of doubt. I almost did not recognize the feeling and when I did I couldn’t believe that I was feeling it after the phenomenal month I had in Ecuador. Aside from our extraordinary hosts at Inca Link, the outstanding ministry at COVI and the exceptional collaboration happening within my new team – the Lord, himself, was showing up in incredible ways.
My prayer life was exploding, my pursuit of the Lord started the moment I woke up nearly every day and I was learning how to truly sit quietly in the presence of God. In the early dew-drenched mornings I would read scripture and pray until I ran out of names in my journal. During my lunch break at COVI I would sit in the park, stare in awe at the mountains and praise God for all that He was doing in my heart, my spirit and my life. And when the stars domed the mountainside above the lights of Quito, I would just sit and listen.
Last month, God allowed me to witness answers to prayers I was lifting up on behalf of others. The Lord was revealing information to me about my future through visions and conversations with Him, and confirming his information to me through scripture, prophetic words and prayers from others. I still remember the night [May 19th] when the power of the Holy Spirit literally brought me to tears as I tucked myself into a bottom bunk of my team’s little cabana. I remember thinking, ‘How am I worthy of all of this?’ My Heavenly Father’s response was simple: “Don’t you remember my promises?”
At the very beginning of this race God promised me two things. First, he assured me by the end of this race I would know, without question, what I am supposed to do after this race is over. Second, he guaranteed me that he would refine me into the godly woman he intended me to be; the godly woman that will be a blessing to her family, to the church, to her friends, in her vocation and a blessing to her future husband and children.
I think of King David’s prayer about God’s promises to him:
O Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant. – 2 Samuel 7:28
The Lords revelations are completely in line with God’s promises and he has still revealed more to me since coming to Panama. I have been sharing them with my teammates, so that when God’s promises come to pass, his glory will not be doubted. I have also asked a few of my team mates to keep me accountable of my words so I do not dishonor God nor boast in his blessings. So why the sudden overwhelming feeling of doubt?
This past week I have been reading primarily in the Old Testament; in Genesis, Daniel and Jonah. These books are filled with insight on God’s character, examples of his promises and lessons about his will and desires for his children. The sad part is, some of these people chose not follow his will, so God withdrew his promises to them. It occurred to me: God could withdraw or change his promises for me too. The thought initially scared me, and in an instant, the devil saw an opportunity to make me doubt my Creator. The devil began convincing me I didn’t deserve his promises. He began convincing me I am boastful [like King Belshazzar of Babylon], my faith wavers [like Jonah] and I couldn’t possibly be hearing correctly from the Lord. I am ashamed to admit this, but I believed him. I not only started to doubt God’s promises, I started to doubt if I was even hearing the Lord’s voice.
But this morning I came across a verse that changed everything.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. – Psalm 9:10
Without hesitation, the Lord sweetly restated, “You know my name, you know my voice and you seek after me. I will never forsake you.” I don’t know how to put into words the comfort only my Savior could give me. An immense peace washed over me like a waterfall. I am his faithful servant; one who knows his voice and is obedient in his direction for my life. And his direction for me right now is to fix my gaze straight ahead and walk closely with him in humility, grace and trust.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13
