I'm glad I got your attention. Now before you rush to criticize what I just said or jump to judge my intentions, hear me out.
This morning I started reading a book called "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping" by Dr. Henry Cloud. I was recommended a different book of his titled "Boundaries in Dating" but it wasn't available at my local library, so I grabbed the first one instead.
Now, I was recommended the later book because I recently became single and a majority of my friends have already jumped on the "I have a great guy in mind for you" wagon. I appreciate the encouragement and support but I wasn't about to date just to date (you know what I mean?). At 28 years old I would like to spend my time with someone who potentially would be a great husband and father, etc. And did I mention I'm leaving for The World Race in five months? Sounds rational, right?
Well Dr. Cloud shattered my rational way of thinking in just the first 40 pages. He stated it plain and clear, "Stop evaluating women and men by some criteria they have to pass or fail, and just observe, notice, and get to know them instead. You will find valuable things you may never have seen before."
Dr. Cloud continues, "If you have seen it [dating] as only a search for the love of your life, then I want you to make some shifts in your thinking. I want you to see dating in a very, very different way." He challenges his readers to see dating as a way of learning about others and about yourself, in a way that takes the pressure off, as an opportunity to love and serve others, as an opportunity to grow in skills, and much more.
Two of these perspectives knocked the breath out of me. First, to see dating as a way of learning about others. Now most of us partake in a question and answer session during our first few dates through the first couple of months seeing someone, but are we sincerely learning about them or are we just being polite? Do we value their opinions and perspectives or are we just waiting to interject ours? Are we absorbing their excitement, their passions and their knowledge or are we already filled with what we think is important?
Second, to see dating as an opportunity to love and serve others. Wow. When was the last time you went on a date, or met up with a friend for that matter, with an attitude of "I am going to serve them tonight." I don't mean passing the mash potatoes, I mean treating them with respect and kindness even if the date isn't going well. I mean showing your encouragement and Christ-like love in a way that leaves the person better for having met you.
I am embarrassed to say I haven't seen dating as more than the potential to meet the right guy until now. How could I be so far off? How could I think dating was just about marriage? How could I miss that dating is an opportunity to to be a good steward, an opportunity to show someone a respect and kindness they may have never received, and as an opportunity to encourage someone's walk with Christ?
My friend Tj was right, "Does it hurt to go out with them? You may not meet your husband, but a supporter and friend. You may meet someone to share you love for God with. Either way, they will be better for knowing you."
