I have been struggling to keep God first, to pursue His call on my life (this race) fervently and to willingly take the opportunities He gives me to glorify Him. I've let these missteps control my outlook on my upcoming race and my spiritual life as a whole. I've asked myself, "Am I really meant to go on this journey of faith? Am I a good-enough daughter of God to call myself a Christian. How could I possibly spread a gospel I am still learning?"
Then Friday night came when God moved in my presence. He has before, but this time I not only felt Him but understood what He was accomplishing while it was occurring. Some wonderful friends, Heather and Elizabeth (aka. Liz), invited me to a prayer night in a basement-level ex-record store. It wasn't what I expected…I didn't feel comfortable in the space, I didn't feel inspired by the atmosphere and I wasn't in the mood to talk to strangers. So I went through worship totally quiet. I liked the music but my head was wrapped around what I was going to do when I got home.
After worship ended Liz and another acquaintance started outspokenly praying for a girl they had just met, who I think was in a spiritual rut like me. I just sat back and watched, listening to some of the conversations in other parts of the room, catching only small fragments of their prayers. Out of nowhere Liz asked me to come over and pray for the girl. I looked at her in complete fear and said "I don't know what to pray for." She responded simply, "Pray for what's on your heart, but pray those things for her." After three attempts of encouragement from Liz I inched over to the girl, placed my hand just above her back and spoke, "God please give her trust, please give her confidence in her faith, please give her direction and help her pursue your calling. Pour your spirit on her. Help her actions glorify you…"
And in the middle of my prayer, without skipping a beat, God told me, "That is exactly what I am doing." I felt the spirit in me, I felt my confidence rise and I knew instantaneously that I was receiving the blessings too. God waited until I was able to step past my discomfort of praying for a stranger to answer my prayer. His blessings came when I didn't know what to do but turn to Him.
Yes, I am meant to go on this journey of faith. No, I don't have to be good-enough to be God's daughter, I just have to be real enough and be honest with Him. And what I don't know God will teach me as long as I allow Him to work in me and through me.
I pray that God gives you trust. I pray that God gives you confidence in your faith. I pray that you fervently purse God's calling on you life. I pray that His spirit is alive in your heart and that your actions glorify Him because when you do God will bless your life.
