I’m literally sitting at my cousins’ house in Winder, GA writing this blog 30 minutes before I leave for training camp. I had to get this out before I left. The Holy Spirit keeping bring this word to mind: vulnerability. Vulnerable is defined by Webster as “capable of being physically or emotionally wounded” or “open to attack or damage.”
As I’ve been praying and thinking about this upcoming time of preparation, the Lord kept placing on my heart, vulnerability. When you think of the definition of the word vulnerable it doesn’t sound like the greatest thing to be known as. Why would you want to be open to attack or damage in a physical or emotional sense? Looking through the eyes of the world, to be vulnerable, is to be weak.
Yet, I believe that is what the Lord is seeking of me to be, first at training camp and then during the entire World Race. God has given me a new definition of the word: “to be under God’s submission in such a way that our truest self’s come to light.”
The amazing thing is when we are vulnerable with Jesus we allow Him to work in us. It’s when we come as a vulnerable person before an almighty God that we recognize the weakness in our own “strength” and that only in submission can we experience God’s will in our lives.
1 Corinthians 4:10 says, “We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute.” Despite what the world may think, we can be as vulnerable with God and we will never we abused, ridiculed, abandoned or forgotten. We can and should be able to be our truest selves with our Father.
This also applies with the body of Christ. Everyone isn’t perfect, but when you come to know people around you who love and support you, you’re able to be vulnerable with them. When are afraid to expose our deepest hurts and allow your fellow brothers and sisters come around you to support you, this can bring tremendous healing.
When I realized that this word was summarizing what God had place on my heart I thought, “vulnerability?” Ugh, I don’t particularly like that word. While I know this to be true, the reason God has been speaking this to my heart is that I am HORRIBLE with being vulnerable, sometimes with Jesus, but especially with others. Only in the last couple years have I realized (sometimes from the mouth of a friend, you know who you are 😉 that I tend to shut people out.
There could be many factors attributing to this: the fact that I’m introverted, that I’m a middle child, etc., but that doesn’t reach the root issue. The real contributing factor I believe is due to an idealized image I have of myself. I hate to admit it, but I struggle with wanting to seem to have it all together. I wish it wasn’t so. When you worry what others might think of your weakness, you tend to hide an issue or struggles from everyone. Sometimes this extends to God. I know that He of course knows every hidden part of me, I tend to try to wait out my struggles without seeking Him first and foremost. This then causes stress, which then causes illness, mental anxiety, and a host of other issues.
This is where you come in, will you pray for me in the next couple weeks to let go of anything holding me back from being vulnerable with God and my squad mates? I want to grow in the Lord during this time and also be who God has made me to be, not who Irene thinks she needs to be.
Please also keep the rest of the racers, leaders, and staff in your prayers as we come together to prepare for our upcoming journey.
May we all be imitators of Christ to our world (Eph 5:1).
