Writing these blog posts have been quite interesting. I’ve come to realize that it’s my nature to be honest and transparent, but at the same time, it’s hard to be open with the world about my life. More recently, I’ve found it more difficult to even put my experiences into words. I’ve attempted to blog, because I knew I had to, but it wasn’t from my heart, so I couldn’t move forward. I want all my readers to know that what you’re reading is what’s in my heart. I’m so content with that and at peace, because I know God is using me, and if I can help anyone by telling my story, then I’ve done my job, and God gets the glory.
Sooo… let’s get down to business.
Things have been difficult these past few months. Last year, God loved on me and coddled me and showed me how real He was. Now, it’s like the gloves are off, and He’s getting down to the nitty-gritty. I feel like in this season, I have so much growth to do in order to accomplish what He has for me. It’s been extremely daunting and overwhelming. There were a few times where I buckled under the pressure and questioned why God would even choose me to do this in the first place. I felt like He’d made a mistake. I’ve felt like I’m standing at the bottom of this mountain just looking at it completely paralyzed, where I don’t see how it’s possible to even begin to climb.
While having those kinds of thoughts, I knew I had to get in my bible and use my sword of the spirit to slay them. I knew that they are just the enemy trying to keep me from my destiny. Not today, satan! (spell check tried to capitalize the S for that chump. Ain’t happening! That’s a little S!)
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit- fruit that will last- and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.
John 15: 16
..Being confident in this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.
Phil 1:6
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Don’t not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Deut 31:8
What’s really helped me have a better understanding of what’s happening in my life is the story of Simon Peter in Luke, Chapter 5. Simon put in so much effort and hard work into fishing overnight and came up empty handed. He abandoned his boat and was cleaning his net, when Jesus spotted him out of the crowd. Jesus met Simon where he was and used his empty boat as a platform to reach the people and teach the Word of God. Had Simon had a successful night of fishing, there would not have been room in the boat for Jesus to reach the masses. The very spot where Simon was disappointed and in distress, was the same spot where Jesus stepped in and made it His pulpit. God uses the very part of us that we think is useless. When we allow Him to step in, He works so epically and does the impossible. When we allow Him to infiltrate our lives, there are those spaces, those “God margins,” where we simply can’t do it in our own power, but He gets in the gap.
Jesus told Simon to go out into the deep waters in the middle of the day, and cast out his net. Although it went completely against what he knew as a fisherman, Simon was obedient. He caught so many fish, he had to signal for help, and both boats were so full that they were about to go under water. It’s important to note that Jesus could have commanded the fish to jump in the boat, but instead, wanted Simon to trust Him and do the work. Although He has the ability, Jesus doesn’t always give us what we need in our hands, but He gives it to us within our reach.
Before, when I looked at my mountain, I didn’t see how it was possible to move forward. But now I realize that there is a “God margin” where He can do the impossible, where He steps in and gets in the gap. I know that this journey is bigger than me, which can be intimidating, but I have to keep in mind that it’s supposed to be bigger than me, and that the God I serve is bigger. I must continue to allow God to infiltrate my life, and to be my source, and to push through my flesh and continue to be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2). I praise God, because I can look back and see how far I’ve come. The India at this time last year would not recognize the India writing this blog right now. Thank you, Jesus for being the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for allowing the scales to fall from my eyes. Thank you, Lord for using me as a vessel. Thank you, Lord for your grace, your love, your kindness, and your mercy. I praise your holy name!!
An olive has to go through the shaking, the beating, and the pressing for the oil to flow. He’s preparing me for greater. I’m holding on to my Lord and Savior!!
