Sooo, here we go.
I knew my hair would be a huge topic for me on the race. One of the reasons I told God I couldn’t do the race was because of my hair. He shut that down real quick when I was at a women’s conference, and the preacher says,
“And you telling God you can’t do it, because of your hair!”
Yep. That got me together real quick.
The truth is, my hair has been my identity for a long time. When it was straight and long, I felt better about myself, because I was a black girl whose hair was down her back. Then, when I went natural, that was a huuggeee game changer. My hair was like a billboard. Everyone would stare at me, and I was complimented left and right. People treated me different. It was awesome. I THRIVED on the compliments.
I realized it was an issue in February 2016. I straightened my hair for the first time in a year, and it was beautiful. It was long and luxurious. I went to a concert one night, went backstage, and walked into a room full of “VIPs”. Everyone stared at me. I was mortified. People were staring dead at me, but there was no billboard for them to look at!! They were looking at ME, and I literally wanted to hide. Usually when people came up to talk to me, it was because of my hair. That was the conversation starter, and that was gone. I had nothing. My brain felt empty. I was extremely fidgety, and uncomfortable, and awkward. I felt like everyone could tell. My hair had become my identity, and I felt like nothing without it.
Coming on the race, I knew my hair was going to be an issue. I knew it would be difficult to manage, products would be scarce, and I knew the Lord was going to deal with me in one way or another. The one thing I wanted on my race experience, and what I’m walking out everyday is to RECEIVE ALL GOD HAS FOR ME AND FOR HIM TO REMOVE all of the trash and muck FROM ME THAT Is NOT of Him.
Running Out of Hair Product on the World Race from India Favorite on Vimeo.
While in Cambodia, I got dealt with. Cambodia was one of the easiest months as far as living conditions and ministry, but that’s when the Lord really worked on my heart. He wrecked me. He showed me my identity and who I am, and a ton of it had to do with outward beauty. But who am I without it? No makeup, no cute clothes, no jewelry, AND NOW NO HAIR, God? Really? Ok.
So as hard as it was, I knew I had to cut it. Once I got my hands on a pair of hair cutting scissors, that was a wrap. I was so upset before doing it, because I didn’t know who I would be without it and was afraid to be ugly or unnoticed, not desirable, etc. And that was more of a reason to do it. My hair should not and will not have that much power over me.
I am NOT my hair! Abandonment on the World Race from India Favorite on Vimeo.
And don’t get me wrong, this is not a blog fishing for compliments. It’s just that I’ve struggled for so long with my confidence and not believing in myself for reasons God is revealing to me. I can fake confident, but I’m tired of faking it. There’s no reason I should be uncomfortable that my hair is flowing down my back instead of standing on top of my head. That’s crap! The devil is a lie!
So yeah. That’s why I cut it. I want to be able to stand tall and be confident in who God created me to be on the inside and let that radiate. Everything else is lagniappe.
“I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within.” – India Arie
Satan, I’m coming for you! I’m about to be unnstoopppaabblllleeee!!! Every single negative thought I have of myself is being capture and spoken into with THE WORD that is a double edged sword. I’m not believing anymore lies. Thanks Jesus!
Oh!! ANNNDDDD, how about I only have $500 left til I’m fully funnddeeeddd!!! AAhhhhh!!! Look at God!!
