Thank you for always listening to me, encouraging me, praying for me and cheering me on as I keep falling in love with Jesus!
As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. [1 Peter 4:10]
are you single?
Regardless of whether it’s man, woman or child, they all seem to want to know.
That’s the easy version of the inquiry. It’s either yes or no, and for me the answer is “yes.”
It’s that simple.
The follow up gets complicated when the quizzical look prevails and it escalates to:
why are you still single?
Until very recently, I didn’t know how to answer that with all honesty.
I mean, most of the time, I couldn’t tell if there was an undertone of “what’s wrong with you?” or if that was my interpretation of the question.
Was that question supposed to hurt? Because sometimes it would.
Was there such a thing as a quick and easy answer?
Did I want to steer away from that question altogether or did God have a purpose in me getting that question all the time?
Was it necessary to answer?
Did any of my past have anything to do with why I was still single?
Seriously, I always get stumped with that question.
Yet, it always manages to come up.
Finally, I had to sit down with God and start asking Him for the answer.
(Because, quite frankly, I don’t think I fully grasped the answer that rested well with my soul.)
I began to realize that being single was something that was directly related to how my identity was perceived as a woman — and that if I didn’t nip this in the bud, it was going to overshadow my identity in Christ.
My life is not on hold as a single Christian woman.
I am not waiting around to be rescued.
I’m actually not waiting around at all.
So how would I answer the question, exactly?
I’m admitting openly that I am still learning to go to God first and trust Him for the answers to the questions I can’t always answer.
My answers would be in part truth, but also be copouts: I’m single because…
God wants me to be single. Jesus is my husband. I’m a missionary.
I made a covenant with the Lord. I’m not ready. God withholds no good thing, so being married must not be a good thing for me yet.
God gives His best to those who wait for Him to make the choice!
I’m still under construction. No vacancy.
I’m on the World Race until August 2013.
People, seriously, those aren’t my answers. I’ve used those lines before, but that’s not the real reason.
Since when does God require us to attain any level of anything before giving us gifts?
He doesn’t, because God gives all His gifts out of grace and love to whomever He wants whenever He wants. God is merciful to whom He is merciful.
By all means, if I’m discontent and unthankful, I’d want that called out on me.
The truth is that I’m neither discontent nor unthankful to God for being single. But sometimes I can be confused about it.
Am I distressed about being single? Nope. Am I sometimes puzzled that I still am? Yup.
So here’s what God has to say about it:
I am single because that is God’s provision for me today.
It’s simple but oh-so-important for me to let that truth sink in daily.
My identity is not in being single.
Singleness is a gift.
Singleness is not a consolation prize or the type of gift I’d want to exchange.
Singleness is God’s favor up on me, and God’s favor is a legitimate gift!
- God has apportioned to me the gifts that He wills for my life. (God gives good gifts! Singleness is good.)
- The gifts God makes manifest through the Holy Spirit are for the common good. (God gives gifts that benefit me and others.)
- My greatest need in life is not a spouse; my greatest need in life is a Savior – and I’ve got Him. His name is Jesus.
I’m not single because… I’m too old. Or too young.
Too fat. Or too short. Or too loud. Or too bold. Too plain.
Not interesting enough. Not pretty enough.
Or in a church depleted of eligible bachelors.
Or in a church where I’m not the type of woman any man there would want.
Or just a woman always being overlooked. Or a woman marked by any past sin.
Or too busy with ministry.
Or not making myself available enough. Or simply far too fabulous for my own good and intimidating to men.
God does not love me less, and that’s certainly not why I’m single.
God doesn’t refuse my prayers or ignore me or put me on hold — that is not why I’m single.
God loves me SO MUCH – I remember each time I look at the cross.
My needs have been fulfilled through my deliverance from sin, thank you sweet Jesus!
God has already given me an identity in Christ that can never be altered, removed, or changed:
I am saved.
That’s a status that won’t be changing whether I’m single, married or widowed. <- (If you take anything away from this, remember this keypoint.)
That having been said, singleness can change. God can do anything.
My singleness is the gift that keeps on giving, until the good Lord says otherwise; so I’m going to use it until I lose it. And I don’t mind saying, I’m really good at being single.
So the next time someone pops the singleness question, I can smile and say: I’m really gifted that way.
