Adventures WorldRace SethBarnes Sponsorship Giving

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Ending month four, and heading to BeiJing with my new team, Holy F.I.R.E., the good Lord began to connect some dots that needed to point out some of my alignment issues. With team Holy F.I.R.E. I was able to begin a healing process, breathe out and remove my shrouds to become vulnerable again and air out some war wounds. Honestly, I had become worn for wear and I’m sure if I could visually see the hurts in my heart, I would have caught a glimpse of something infected.

My issues mostly revolved around needing to be realigned with God’s will. Let me begin by stating that God is a happy God! He is a joyful Lord, and it’s amazing that He has designed us to be strengthened by that same joy. Somewhere along the way, my joy had waned and I was easily forfeiting my joy to Satan and this started getting really messy. I lost my edge in the battle.

As I reflected on the first three months of my World Race I can sum up my team life experience with one word: dreadful.

By the middle of month two, I was ready to throw in the towel on Team Shekinah.

There was quite simply too much carnality and offenses and all sorts of yucky fleshly stuff, to which I no doubtedly also contributed along the way. It was like a really dirty toilet everyone was using and nobody really wanted to clean. The even bigger problem was when that toilet got clogged, nobody could fess up to who did it and nobody by this time was willing to roll up their sleeves and get the plunger. It was stinky, and while some sucked it up, others yet pretended it smelled like roses.
 
The truth is I started shutting down as month 3 tapered, which is unfortunate — but the good thing is that I was turning to Christ in the process. But for me, I turned to Christ and had accumulated a whole bunch of baggage along the way by not quickly forgiving trespasses. Bitterness began to tempt me, and I found myself breaking under the weight of the burdens I was carrying.

I was unhappy to be left feeling like a stepping stone or scape goat at times for people who hadn’t yet surrendered their lives to the Lord. I seriously felt like a crab in a bucket trying to climb up, only to feel the pinches and pulls along the way. I no longer felt welcomed to pray in that community, dive into the Scriptures, worship freely or minister according to my faith without having to worry about stepping on somebody’s toes or making anyone feel unsafe. How Christians could be offended by prayer, the Bible and worship up until that point was beyond me! But it’s true.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
I never thought I’d have to defend the Word of God to believers, or the truth of the Gospel – but it happened.

The biggest lesson learned on that team was finding out who I am NOT. By this statement, I mean to say that there were many lies that slowly crept in that I almost started believing.

I started believing that I am not loveable. I started to think that maybe my boldness for the Lord was not a good thing. The importance of standing on the Truth was dimming. I started doubting the calling on my life to be a missionary and to preach forth the Gospel. I began to sink into the lie that I suck at loving people, serving people and my ability to share the passion for God’s word. I felt my spirit being quenched and my little light flickering. I was no longer worth the time of day or approachable it seemed – unless someone wanted to glean wisdom, have me help them locate a verse or go into a scary place and cast out a demon. This, it seemed, is all I was good for to my team.
 
Outside of my team, this was not the case – I made friends quickly with other squad mates, ministry contacts and locals. Something wasn’t adding up because ministry was fruitful, I was still witnessing the power of God’s love in my life and Jesus was not forsaking me. My life had been filled up with Jesus dates, getting to spend one-on-one time with the Lord and also with various people eager to hear my testimony, befriend me and co-labor with me in the ministry.
 
But within my team, there wasn’t anyone ready and willing to fight for me when I was down. One-on-ones were different, but within the group the dynamics were way off kilter. Frankly, I had fallen out of love. I was disenchanted to say the least.

By the time I got my little piece of paper in Hong Kong with the names of my new team mates, I was utterly indifferent. I had no hope left for enjoying team life, and I was going to say a quick prayer and suck it up through month 11.
Jesus taught me that within my team I had become like the Loveless Church in the book of Revelation. My works were good, my labor was intense, and I could not bear those along the way who were evil! I tested those who claimed Christ and were in fact liars, and I patiently persevered for the name of Jesus.

This is where Jesus interjects, as I run to the Father with all my hurts, and tears and grievances…

“Nevertheless, I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place – unless you repent.” Revelation 2:4-5
It was alarming, but I needed to hear it and be quick to repent. I needed to find my first love again and only then did the Lord restore to me the joy of my salvation!

I'm so thankful that the voice of God can cut through all the lies and most of all, get to the heart of the matter.

I needed a change of heart, a change of attitude and…Jesus blessed me with a new season and a new team.

I am thankful for the lessons learned.