I spent the month of December working with special needs orphans in China. I was looking forward to the ministry and the kids, but not too thrilled about being under government surveillance and prohibited from preaching the Gospel. The children, however, were so worth it. They were wonderful and my time with them filled me with great joy.
I was going through a lot of junk introspectively. I cried a lot during this month. I wrestled a lot with emotions getting the best of me. I tried not to let loneliness and hopelessness burden me. The holidays have a way of making difficult emotions even harder, or creating the perfect backdrop for making the feeling of being in love with Jesus even more wonderous and effervescent!
These little guys are the non-walkers, the non-talkers, the diaper-wearing, drooley, incoherent kind. They are much easier to please than people think: they love holding hands. They love to hear me singing. They love to be cuddled and tickled. I’m not the least bit discouraged by their oftentimes odd appearance or awkward postures or guttural noises.
This is how I fell in love in the month of December, actually. I was stooped over a little girl curled up rigidly atop a bean bag, singing songs to her when I looked up. There he was. He was looking back at me. His hand came up and over the edge of the door window, and extended a long pointer finger straight at me.
I ran over to the door and ducked under the window. He peeked over the edge. “RAWR!!!!” I pounced at his hand.
He gasped, wide-eyed and then burst into a slow-motion cackle …”AAAAAA…ha……ha…..ha…” He swiveled at a snail’s pace away from me, shuffling to get away. Oh, but he wouldn’t stay away for too long. With a smirk on his face he’d shuffle his way back to me.
I’d duck back under the door, and sure enough, a hand would reappear above me and I’d see two, dark, almond-shaped eyes searching aimlessly for me.
“RAWR!!!! RAWWWWR!! Rawwwrr…rawrrrrr!” I’d growl and pounce and snap my teeth ferociously. Again and again we’d play this little trick with each other. Each time his laughter would be replied to with my giggles. I was seriously having as much fun as he was.
It was a resounding “How could you hurt me!” glance, before he turned and limped away quickly and then came the howl. He was crying. Drool ran down his chin, and down his chest.
“Sorry, baby!” I said and swung the door open to chase him down. His eyes were huge when he saw me coming after him. He screamed even louder. Shaking his head no, no, no to me.
He wouldn’t have me. I tried a hug. I got pushed away. All my apologies were in vain. I felt helpless and hopeless. I knew it was an accident.
I actually felt very sad, and I had no idea how to make it up to him. I stood there. I stood still. And I waited…
…in the waiting, I was trying to think of some way to make things work between us again…
…but it was in the stillness that I became safe for him again! It worked.
This time I hugged him, and said sorry and promised never to bite him again.
Needless to say, he and I developed an amazing friendship. I became the one he loved to run to every day. I became the one who would run up and down the hallway with him until we were both too tired to keep going. I became the one he loved to chase around and around in circles. I was the one who loved him, cleaned up his boogers and let him hug me tight around my neck. I was the one he loved to cover in sloppy, drooley kisses all over my cheeks.
I treasure the days I spent with these children. Every day was a beautiful gift from Jesus to me. Just when you think you show up to a ministry site with something to offer, you realize all you’ve got is empty hands to begin with.
The love of Jesus brought me a friend in a little special needs Chinese boy this Christmas.
