Change of Tune

in the last couple of days, I've not been feeling very well. This weekend I've eaten half a banana, half a cup of coffee, a bagel, a piece of cheese, half a taco, half a corn on the cob…half a piece of bread and half a plate of pasta…half a tuna sandwich…skipping lunches and dinner too.

Half of this. A piece of that. Setting things down before finishing and then moving on to the next.

It's unusual for me to not enjoy a good meal. Completely.

The days have been long and jam-packed. They have been full of hugs. Full of smiles. Full of familiar faces. Filled with prayer. Filled with exciting conversations, speculations and laughter. Filled with worship. Filled with love.

Filled with familiarity.

Instead of my stomach being filled with food, my heart is being nourished by a hug here, a kiss on the cheek there, a kiss atop my head, a kiss upon my forehead, a prayer here & there, and words of encouragement all around.

My head has also been filled with thoughts that were only a week ago just looming on the fringes of my immediate plans. Suddenly, I think more about packing. More about the travel days ahead. More about tying up the last of the loose ends. More about the last Friday at youth. The last Sunday at church. The last time in California for a long time. More about saying "good bye."

Exhausted, I try to sleep unsuccessfully. I collapse into bed, only to toss and turn and pray through the night. Waking up intermittently with eyes wide open only to realize it's still too dark outside to consider morning.

One day soon, I'm sure, the dawn will be breaking with the sound of roosters. One night soon, I'll collapse with exhaustion to the sound of crickets chirping and who knows what else is out there waiting to pierce the dead of night with its voice.

Last Thursday, after fasting, I kneeled in prayer calling out to El Shaddai –'Please, speak to me.'

And then a word set itself upon my heart like only the finger of the Potter could leave impressed upon the clay…