DISCLAIMER: strong use of certain stereotypical offensive terms. The use of these words are specifically to showcase ignorance that is still being used today.
A lot of people thought I was the gayest of the gays growing up. One of the reasons is because my personality had more feminine characteristics than masculine. The way I talked, how I walked, being more openly expressive about my emotions.
Ya know, the classic traits that our country has deemed as representing a gender.
There are so many things I want to talk about in this blog. A lot of my words will mostly be rooted in bitter pain. But my hope in writing this blog thoughtfully and slowly will bring healing + redemption to my story. On top of that, I wish to bring a different perspective to the social justice of Feminism that has been subtly rooted in revenge in this generation.
Whoops, I said the ‘f’ word in this blog.
Going back to my story, I found that it was very difficult to relate to men. Purely based on the fact that the boys of my school thought that since I was more feminine, I was immediately going to want to kiss them. How could one even try to relate to the men of my age when their fathers taught them to avoid the plague of homophobia. It has been like this every since I was in 2nd grade. Back then, I didn’t have a single sexual thought in my body. It wasn’t until much later that I had confusing thoughts on my own sexuality.
I strongly believe that I would never have had that confusion if the peers and adults in my life didn’t automatically make assumptions about me as a kid. The thoughts never entered my head until others spoke it out to me. Even if they weren’t concerned questions, people really must understand that kids pick up on everything. Which brings me to my major point in how much I detest this country for creating the poison that is homophobia.
Growing up, you never wanted to catch the fag disease. We grew up believing that the gays were practically outcasts. But because we are all such ‘upstanding Americans‘ we tolerate them. But tolerance isn’t loving. It’s a wall thats been raised between beliefs that each person was taught when they grew up. So I was tolerated for something that I didn’t even know about myself.
Moving on, I learned a lot about myself. And take a guess as to who taught me the most. It would be women.
You see, I am not a woman. Surprise. But because of that, I learned most from those who didn’t have my type of brain. We were so different and I accepted a long time ago that I would learn far more from the other gender than my own.
God created women to be a suitor for men (Geneses 2:18). Women see things that men don’t – and the other way around. I’m not sitting here, saying that men haven’t taught me anything. Wow oh wow, I can go on and on about everything that men have taught me. I am closer to men than women for the first time in my life. But I can assure you that women have brought up the big picture of things I am missing in my life compared to the finer points from men.
I have a high respect for women and I am willing to fight hand in hand for the equality that hasn’t been given to them. Justice is a high, high value within me. Just look at every single one of my previous blogs. However, I refuse to fight with todays generation of feminists.
I’ve been able to meet with a lot of todays recently graduated high school men. And I’ve noticed a pattern. Most of the men who come from Christian households have grown up with parents who believe in spreading the disease of homophobia. But they have also grown up with young women who want to be treated equally. These men have such a compassionate heart to love so well, that they want to help women achieve these rights.
However, most of the ‘feminists’ now are being as brutal as the ‘masculinists‘ (is that a word) of their parents generation. I’ve personally observed this myself. How is it okay for women to speak such discriminate remarks about men and the actions they do, but not for men to speak openly as well? This doesn’t really sounds like gender equality to me. But okay, if you want to be demeaning to the men who hurt you, it’s totally fine I guess.
Except it’s the complete opposite of fine.
I GET that we as men have hurt women. But I don’t get the brutality behind winning this fight. There’s a man who sleeps with a lot of women. The women know this, but they still go to bed with him. Then when this man doesn’t want anything to do with the woman anymore, she calls him a player, whore, hussy. Okay, didn’t you just spread your legs as easily as spreading butter on bread last night when you wanted sex?
A lot of you will say that I just went too detailed. But these details matter.
Moving on, when I will eventually become as husband, I will never be ‘whipped‘ and I will not be ‘wearing the pants‘ in the relationship. I say those sayings because of how blatantly sexist they are. I want a partnership, not subjugation.
I’ve also noticed that in a lot of Christian marriages, the wife is borderline abusive to her husband. If you meet a good man who loves the Lord above anything, grab him immediately. This man will choose to love you with everything. Because he believes that God has given him the greatest gift in the world: you.
And it’s such an easy thing to take advantage of without even realizing.
Which is why I honestly do not like women right now. I hated being a squad leader and seeing these men I was leading with their over the top, compassionate and non-stop loving hearts. And I saw how willing they would be to do anything for the women they would eventually love. Ever since I’ve went on that trip with them, I was scared for them to meet the right woman. To meet someone who will look at them as equal.
And to not be taken advantage of because of their open and willing hearts.
This blog went a lot of places. I don’t know if I’m done writing. But it’s what I have for now. I would like to end by saying that I don’t believe all women are like this. I’m not intentionally pointing fingers. I see why some women will automatically go on the offensive when it comes to men. And right now, I can see why some people will be automatically offended by my words.
As much as I absolutely love women and will continue to learn from them, I have some deep wounds from them. But I’m done being silent about the wounds that have been given to me as a bystander from both sides. I’m ready to heal and fight for what is right. My question to you is: are you willing to get what you want by being a cheering bystander or a transparent advocate?
