In the AIM (Adventures In Missions) community, we do a lot of self-awareness. Self-awareness brings about learning who you are. Plus, if you didn’t know, I am incredibly passionate about finding your personal identity.
It could be because I love control. The one thing I feel like I can control is myself.
Let me slow down and kind of walk you slowly through my thought process. Because honestly, most of the time when I talk to others or write on these blogs I can just throw words in the air and assume that everyone knows what I mean.
A huge self-awareness assessment that I use is something called the Enneagram. The Enneagram accurately and clearly describes why you think, feel and behave in particular ways based upon your core fears and core desires. Now, I don’t put myself ‘in a box‘ and define myself as one of the 9 personality types that the Enneagram has modeled. But it has essentially been a tool that I’ve actively been using to see how healthy I am emotionally.
Wow. I hope that sentence made sense because I don’t really want to put in the effort of asking someone to read over this draft before I post it.
The personality number that I have been labeled is a 6. Here’s a description of a 6:
“The committed, security-oriented type. Sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. Excellent “troubleshooters,” they foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion. At their Best: internally stable and self-reliant, courageously championing themselves and others.”
There may be some confusion as to why I am telling you so much about myself. But there is a reason why I am writing this blog. I have been focusing on myself because I have a desire to be healthy. And more importantly, I have a desire to be loved.
Christians are so damn humble that it gives me a headache. Speaking of headaches! One of the biggest things that annoys me is when people don’t take a pain reliever for their headaches. They say, “Oh, I want to see if it’ll go away on its own.” Why should you intentionally keep yourself in pain? That’s honestly a big reflection of peoples daily problems in their lives. They just assume that the pain will fade. Sometimes it does, but 99% of the time you really need to actually treat your pain.
I am currently treating my pain.
Sorry for that necessary rabbit trail.
I need love. I need to be encouraged by my people. I need to be hugged every half hour of the day. I need my family despite how much I avoid them. I need someone to tell me that I am loyal, responsible, and supportive. Why did I say those specific words? Because I am a 6. I am someone who seeks protection and security. In that security I will create a group of incredibly close friends. And I will be the best freaking friend that they will ever have. Because I need them.
It’s who I am.
And I used to be the friend who would skirt away from serious things. I would put them before myself. While that is quite noble, you need to actually put yourself before others. I’ve learned ever since I was failing as a squad leader in 2014, that if I am not healthy, how can I help my friends to become healthy?
Today I can still be the person who will talk to you about stupid things like how lame traffic is, or how Penny & Sparrow is coming to Atlanta. But I desire more to hear about why you think traffic is lame and why you are excited for Penny & Sparrow is coming to Atlanta. There are reasons behind every action you take and every word you speak. It’s time for us to stop avoiding the truth of our identity.
Because there is strength in the truth of your identity.
I believe in truth. And one of the most truthful facts is that the Lord created you for good. When someone hates who they are or when they try and ‘fit in‘, then they are trying to create their own truth. Tell me this, are you a Christian? If you are, my next question is, do you try and fit in or change who you are? And if you do, then I’m assuming that you believe you are greater than God. How can you believe that there is a God who knows all, sees all, and yet you still believe that you are not perfect.
If you can get to a place to separate what sin has done to your identity and find where the truth of your identity comes from, then you can truly succeed at this thing called life. For too long, Christians have not been okay with asking for love from others. And I will write a 1,000 word blog to get to the point of simply asking you to love me. I will not put my pride in front of my needs anymore.
This entire blog might not have made sense for me to talk so heavily about the strength of identity when I am just asking for my people to acknowledge me and love me. But I’m showcasing the fact that I am trying to know who I truly am. And the depth of who I am wants to be loved. I think that’s because at the core of my soul, I want to be acknowledged by my Creator. And because we are all a reflection of the Creator, it would only make sense to desire that from my people (classic 6).
Intentionality makes you feel known, seen, and loved. Will you go out of your way to love me?
