As you read this blog, I would like you to use your imagination. I can't put names which makes it hard for me to personalize each of these stories that I want to tell. These are more than just little girls in a story to me, some I see as daughters, others as friends, but they have a special place in my heart. So right now, in your mind, I want you to put a face to these girls. That face could be your son or your daughter, maybe its your little sister or brother. Or if you left a little child in Africa or India that you wanted to adopt, these are the faces I want you to have in your mind as you read this.
Make it your story.
I leave Thailand in two days and my heart is torn.
The girls at the home asked me a hundred time yesterday, "Why can't you stay longer? Why do you have to leave?"
As I was sitting with one of them she told me, "You can't leave. We are going to chain you to the table."
Over and over again they start to tear up when they ask me how much longer I am going to be in Thailand.
Why did God design my life this year to be so wrecked by these girls, only to feel that my heart is being ripped apart by leaving them?
One of the girls was crying a couple of days ago because she realized she only had a few days left. Her heart got so attached, only to be crushed by us leaving. My first thought was, I wonder if missionaries cause wounds to young girls and boys who get really attached and then are left behind?
You remember that scene in the Patriot when Mel Gibson is about to leave his little girl on the beach and go back to war. He asks her just to say one word, "goodbye", that's all he wants is one word but she wont say anything. Then as he is riding away she takes off running and yelling, "Poppa, Poppa don't go, I'll say anything. Please Poppa. I'll say anything you want."
That is kind of how I felt yesterday as we were leaving.
I wasn't told at the beginning of the Race, how real it would actually be. How attached I would become to children, only to have to leave them at the end of the month. Some months it just feels like I am abandoning them. Leaving them in the place they are while I journey onto somewhere better. I wasn't ready for that reality.
That is often the way for mission trips. We go for a short time because we want the experience without having to fully commit to the lifestyle.
This month, I want the lifestyle. I want to be a part of these girls lives, they mean more to me than just an experience. I want to claim them as my own. They mean more to me than just another face on the wall, just another picture in my Facebook album.
You know those pictures that come up in your newsfeed and you are like, "What a cute little boy…" You don't think much beyond that thought. Your only thoughts are, "I am so happy that this man and woman have such a cute child." Instead of taking the thoughts captive and placing that baby into your timeline. What if, this was my baby. Wouldn't reality shift a little more for you? That's exactly what happened to me last night.
So, I want you to use your imagination again. Literally, take this to your heart. It's not enough for you to think about it in your mind. Make this personal, this isn't a blog to know about my experiences in Thailand. I want you to feel what I felt. I want you to be sitting in a chair in front of 100 children… There are about 80 girls and 20 boys… These children all look from the ages of 3 years old to 15 years old. The children begin singing a goodbye song to you in Thai, you are not really sure what it means but you know that it is them saying, "Goodbye", to you in the best way that they know how. They are singing as loud as they can and singing from their heart.
As you are looking at them, your mind begins to wander into the unknown.
This is where my mind went and I could stop it…
"What are these boys doing here?" No really, my mind went further than that. "What are these boys doing here? What did a man want to do to these boys that they had to be rescued?" My mind went so much further than anything I feel comfortable writing.
Do you realize what these boys were saved from? Do you realize what these girls were saved from? Are you putting a face to the reality that I have been facing every day for the last month? Why is there more than one little boy and girl who are younger than 4 years old staring at me while they are singing? They haven't even made it to their teenage years yet…
These girls and boys were saved from being raped, repeatedly, every day of their lives. Are you going numb? Are you still picturing your son or daughter? Are you still picturing your niece, nephew, sister, brother? Is that the face you have in your mind when the reality that boys and girls are being raped every day, or is it just another story from a friend or blogger?
This has been the harsh reality that I have been living in every day. The reality that has destroyed me and the reality that has made me break down in tears at any given time during a month long period.
I'm crying.
I refuse to go numb to that reality but I see light glimmering in the distance.
I see that light in Remember Nhu.
They are saving one child at a time from being sold into sex slavery. Saving one child a day. What a reality that is. As I look at these children, I realize that they have all been given the huge opportunity to keep their innocence.
How could we expect them to function normally in reality when their innocence was stolen at such a young age? How could we ever ask them to forgive the people who raped them repeatedly for days? That is a reality that many people in East Asia are facing each day. As people are being freed from sex slavery each day, from Christians, they are being asked for forgive. What a reality. We struggle to forgive the people who miss our coffee dates…
I just love that these girls are getting to enjoy a life that is beyond explanation. That Jesus, the Savior, is saving them from a reality that just seems to be accepted in Thailand. I love the fact that there is an organization that is fighting for people before they need to be truly fought for. It wasn't enough for Remember Nhu to say, "We want to free people from being in sex slavery." But that they want to stop the issues before they actually happen.
This month has been so impactful because I have seen the crucial part of saving people before they are scarred. When you are scarred, it requires healing. Sometimes it even requires stitches or surgery, but Remember Nhu has the heart to save these girls and boys from even that place in their lives. That they care enough about people's souls that they want to keep them from being robbed of this innocence and are willing to help them before they truly need help.
It's been an amazing reality. One that has hit close to home because I allowed it to hit my soul. I didn't live as though it was another part of my life but I took each one of these girls into my very own story. I put their faces into my life and truly thought about the amazing life that they are living. They are my daughters, they are my sons, they are my friends and I love them.
Don't ever let yourself go numb because then you lose your heart.
