Jesus is your lover.
This was a hard lesson for me to learn, especially since I see Jesus as a man. Through all the brokenness in the world concerning sexuality, it has been a struggle for me to finally see Jesus as a lover. A bridegroom. My fiance, if you will.
A reason for this is because the devil tries to put lies into my head about homosexuality. Even though this isn't something I have struggled with, he tries to tell me, "Jesus can't be your lover. That is kind of gay… Don't you think?"
This is the battle I have been going through as a man of Christ. For too long I have seen Jesus as a good brother, one I can always count on. A dedicated brother, unlike any I have had in the world.
And, He is just that.
But, there is so much more.
Jesus longs to be your lover.
It is how He describes Himself (Matt. 9:15, Matt. 25:1-10, John 3:29).
Jesus describes Himself as a lover, but so many of us men have missed that crutial part of intimacy with Him. Mostly because we have believed the lie that Jesus is our brother, He isn't our lover. Do you see the places you are missing when you only view Jesus as a brother? Those intimate places of your heart, that long to be touched. Those intimate places in your heart that are awakened by a woman or those places in your heart that you try to fulfill on your own power or own accord. I know for me, I have long sought from women what God has been waiting to give to me.
Yes, God has provided women for us. As a life-bringer and a sustainer. And, He knows that we cannot be alone on this earth.
Women often come into our lives to help us notice the ways we desire romance as men. We desire her beauty and then they leave or are taken from our lives.
But, the Beauty remains.
My heart was opened up to sunsets, and I cannot for the life of me remember when that love first came. I do know that it is there, and that when I see a good sunset a little part of me is awakened.
It was only recently that I saw that it was Jesus doing that awakening. That He actually desires to come into those places in my life that I have thought needed to be filled by a woman. He wants to romance me.
The word romance means, "a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love." As men, we always say, "I love Jesus." I don't think that I ever stopped to realize how He is loving me.
Only recently have I been taking my day, dissecting it and seeing the ways God is romancing and loving me.
Nature is a huge way that God shows me His love.
Thoreau said, "most fishermen spend their entire lives without knowing it is not fish they are after."
We as men are missing a crutial intimacy with the Father and with Jesus that we won't have with Him only as our brother. Have you read Psalms? David knows God as his lover. As I read Fathered by God by John Eldredge he points out that David wasn't a teenager when he wrote the Psalms. David was an experienced battle-hardened warrior with years of hand-to-hand combat.
I missed the intimacy from the Father, the ways he is romancing my heart because I didn't stop, in the moment, to see the ways God was giving to me to show His love for me. I didn't see Him in the sunset, I saw the sunset.
Oh, what I have missed for so many years.
It is crutial that we see God romancing us in the moment, for only in the moment can we fully appreciate the gravity of His love.
I missed Him romancing me and I wounded my heart by looking to woman to satisfy that need. John Eldredge said, "that there is a Beauty we long for calling to us through the beauty of the woman we are enchanted by. She is not the Beauty itself, only a messenger."
God is wooing our hearts because He knows that woman can only offer so much. They can only give us so much and if we don't start to rely on God for our love, we will be empty men for the rest of our lives.
Seeking in women what God is subtly putting into our daily life only creates a wound in our lives and in the lives of women.
God is the only one who can satisfy our deepest desires and needs. But, our hearts have hardened to Him and we have shut down the parts of our hearts that He is constantly trying to awaken.
We view our hearts as the enemy instead of realizing that God created us with these desires. We view our hearts as the enemy because we try to fill those voids with women, pornography or masterbation. This creates a deep wound inside of us, and as we get closer to healing or noticing the wounds the temptations just increase.
We, as men, need to learn how to be loved and how to be romanced. We need to learn how to love and how to romance.
Most of the women on my squad know the ways God is romancing them. Their hearts are in tune to love because relationship is written on their hearts. So I have been learning from them, so much, about how God tends to their hearts.
Physical touch has been a huge struggle in my life. Being on a squad with 30 women the book "Five Love Languages" is often a huge topic of conversation. What are your love languages? They ask you the question, often already knowing the answer, but just want to know if you, as a man, know how you give and receive love.
I didn't know.
Actually, when I first realized it was after Jill pointed it out. Physical touch is how I show and receive love. I don't know only because they told me, I examined my life.
Physical touch has been a struggle for me my whole life, so I avoided it with the people who needed it most. This is how we, as men, kill a desire that God has put on our hearts. We shutdown a place in our hearts because we think it is the enemy. When in fact, it is how God designed us but we have just been filling the void in our own strength.
Then, I asked the women on my team: "how does God show you love if your love language is physical touch?"
Emily responded with, "God romances me with physical touch by bringing someone along at just the right time to give me a hug. Or offer me some kind of physical touch at just the right moment."
This was a huge awakening for me. You mean God can actually physically love me, but I have been missing it this whole time? Yes. The moments that I had just seen as a good friend knowing when I was in need were actually the God of the universe coming to me to offer support in the way I needed it most. Touch.
I have been missing it all along.
God is romancing me.
God is my lover.
I am still learning and watching throughout my day to see the ways He loves me. I am also giving my wounds over to the Father, for Him to heal and restore those places of my heart I have locked away.
And so, the lover in me is being awakened.
