I found this journal entry in my iPad from April 2012 while I was in Romania. It's incredible to me to look back and see where I have come from.
My prayer to my Father this morning:
God, Father, continue to shape me into a more humble man for You.
Awaken my heart to what is stirring in your heart.
I want to be aware of my surroundings.
I want to taste the earth from the pallet of your tongue.
Father, I don't want to be tossed through the earth.
Transform my actions and my thoughts to be focused on you.
I am tired of passing by the homeless and orphaned.
I want to give them more than just money or a smile.
This month God has revealed so much to me, and here recently He has really shown me what I am missing. As I look back on my time in El Salvador and reflect on the supernatural power that was poured out during that time, I can see a change. The change is in my actions and my thoughts.
This month we are working on a construction site from 9-12 and 1-4. After 4pm we are free to do whatever we want to do. For the past couple of weeks, some of us have been hanging out with some amazing Romanians from a local church we have been attending. Salem Church here in Oradea. I feel very connected to the people of this church, and the relationships that have been built here are stronger than any on the race.
As we walk down the streets of Oradea, I found myself often shying away from the gypsys who begged for money. From the homeless who scratched by on the streets and from the drunks who staggered on the sidewalks. On the inside, my heart broke for each of them. The homeless have always been very strong on my heart, but I found myself passing them by instead of stopping to pray for them. As I thought back on El Salvador, my heart was focused on them. Every day my mindset was to change the world by showing God's supernatural power. Here, I am focused on self. What adventure can I get lost in today? Where can I get some good food? Where can I get some adrenaline flowing?
After work is over, I check out of ministry and check into self.
This seems normal and fine but my heart is screaming for more.
I am to live each day with a kingdom focus. God isn't telling me that I need to constantly be going, He is telling me I need to realize what I am missing. He is saying, "I have more to offer, do you want it?"
It is easy to get caught up in our surroundings and getting to our next ministry destination. God is just telling me that there is more than the next step, there are things happening in between that are getting overlooked.
He reminded me of the story of the good Samaritan. A priest and a temple assistant walked by the beaten man before finally a despised Samaritan walked by him and helped him. The priest and the temple assistant were on their way to do their own ministry. They were probably on their way to the temple, to preach or lead. God put the beaten man in their way to test them, to get them out of their ministry and into His ministry.
Often times, He has tested me this month. As I write this, He reminds me of the gypsy people gathering food from a dumpster. He reminds me of the gypsy man asking for 2 lei. He reminds me of the drunk man struggling to walk down the sidewalk. He reminds me of multiple people who are missing legs or arms. Of the people who are mentally retarded or walk with a limp. He reminds me of the orphan girl persistently asking for money. He reminds me of the homeless lady with her child asleep in her lap.
These are all of the people He put in my path this month, that I overlooked because I was focused on myself.
God wasn't calling me to give them my extra money or buy them food in those times. He was calling me to show His love to them. To pray for them, to heal them and to mend their broken hearts.
Instead, I calloused my heart and passed them by as if they weren't there. I ignored the people that are in most need of help.
So as I prayed that prayer this morning, God said, "Open your eyes." Immediately a rush a emotion and visions of things of the past overwhelmed my thoughts. I was ashamed in times He called me to be courageous. He asked me to show them attention and I turned my shoulder. Attempting to ignore them instead of embrace them.
