Psalms 139 says that he has searched us and that he knows us. Yet do
we really KNOW that he KNOWS us? Do we realize how much he ADORES us? He
LOVES us because we are his creation. Does the clay say to the potter
“What are you making” or “Why did you make me this way. You could have
done better.”?
Slowly I am learning that I don’t need to
be anything other than who I am. I have a lot of confidence but there
has always been ways I have compared myself and desired to be different
in certain ways. I’m finding out though that LOVE has ransomed me. A few
weeks ago I started to see an image of myself in a mirror. Every time I
compared or had a thought that wasn’t true about myself God would show
me that image of a mirror. I would look in the mirror and see things I
wanted to change about myself. I decided I needed to study beauty so I
could know what God’s idea of beauty was. As I was studying I found this
verse:
” Your beauty should not come from outward
adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of fine jewelry and fine
clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading
beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God’s
sight.” – 1 Peter 3: 3-4
I began meditating on this kind
of beauty and also found that I didn’t KNOW that Jesus loved me because I
didn’t see myself as being completely beautiful or respect and enjoy
the beauty he had created in me. I continued seeing the image of the
mirror and as I started to love the tings I had seen as faults in myself
I began to see in the mirror reflections of myself when I was younger. I
knew the mistakes I had made in those times in my life and saw that I
needed to forgive myself for making mistakes.
A few days
passed by we were now in Antigua, Guatemala. I was singing one morning
during worship when one of my friends walked up to me and started to
tell me “Jesus loves you. He loves the way you get up in the morning,
the way you breath, the way you put your hair up. You can’t do anything
to make him love you more. It doesn’t matter what you do with your life
or what you have done. He just loves you.” I was crying because it
finally made sense; he just loves me. He loved me not for what I do and
he didn’t love me any less because of the ways I have made mistakes. It
doesn’t matter to him what I look like or if i have it all together. He
just loves me because he created me and because he created me he
marveled at his work.
Shortly after this I began to see
the image of the mirror again. This time I knew it was time to forgive
myself for making mistakes. I looked at every version of me in the
mirror. I looked each one in the eyes and took their face into my hands
and said “I forgive you. I love you.” Once I had forgiven myself I
realized that I was more than a reflection in a mirror. I was imprisoned
behind the mirror. I knew I had the key to pulling myself out. My hand
reached towards the mirror and I grabbed my hand that was slowly coming
out of the mirror. As I grabbed my hand I yanked myself out. The side of
me that had been imprisoned behind the mirror fell to the ground
crying.I looked back into the mirror and I saw Jesus standing where I
had been standing. He was wearing white and staring at me with his
beautiful heartwarming smile. I leaned over to pick myself up of the
ground so I could show myself the glory and beauty of Jesus. When I
stood back up I was whole again and Jesus was standing right besides me.
He took my face into his hands and looked into my eyes. He didn’t say
anything but I knew in my spirit that he was telling me he was more than
a reflection behind a mirror. He was alive and he was holding me in his
hands; he was beside me! He told me without words to take myself away
from the mirror and forget myself by looking at him instead.
I
can say now that I KNOW Jesus love me. I get to stare at his face and
gaze into his eyes everyday. I can read his love letter to me, the
bible, and be reminded of his love for me. I can sing “Jesus loves me
this I know. For the bible tells me so” and believe it. It doesn’t
matter what I do or don’t do. I have been created as God’s beautiful
masterpiece and I KNOW HE LOVES ME!
