There is never an end to anything only transitions from one season to the next. The World Race for me started out in the fall season where a lot of old things had to fall off and I had to learn to let go. The start of the race was painful for me, it was hard to let go of my family, my comfort, my space. I had nowhere to escape when I had a bad day and wanted to just be alone; I was never alone I was always surrounded by people. I felt insecure, inadequate, alone, timid, like I didn’t belong with my squad mates or my teammates . I had to face the idea of people seeing my flaws and I was sure that when they saw my flaws they wouldn’t love me anymore. I was afraid of so much. Then the darkness of winter hit with a painful jolt; my grandmother died. It was month three, we were in Peru, and I was not expecting anything like that to happen to me on the race. Peru was a month of crying, of grief and of comfort. I felt God’s love in a way that I had never experienced. As I cried and mourned the loss of my grandmother I had people I had never met before, my host family, holding me as I cried on their shoulders, they wiped my tears from my face, they took care of me when I was sick, they truly loved me with all of their heart. The death of my grandmother was one of the most painful experiences I had on the race. There were times of great guilt from times I had not loved my grandmother in the past, times of grief so painful I felt numb from crying so much, times of homesickness because I wanted to be home, but I stayed and kept going even though it was hard and painful. Winter then transitioned into spring. Spring gave me a fresh start, a new strength, more love to give than ever before. During my spring season I was like a sponge just soaking in every moment and every revelation I could get about God. It was a time where I learned so much about the word of God. One of the biggest lessons I learned was what it was like to be a disciple, to cast down my net and follow him. It was still a painful season of learning how to love him more than anything in my life, but I was so thirsty for him that I cried my heart out just asking him to help me learn what it was like to love like he loves. During this season I was ready to start new. I had the chance to get baptized in Honduras and although I had been baptized when I was younger I wanted to again, this time as a statement that I would commit my life to him; all of my life. The baptism changed my heart. Somehow after the baptism I felt brand new, I felt new passion for many many different things and then spring became summer where I walked out everything I had learned in the seasons before. Above anything I had learned how to love. I had the chance to love orphans, street kids, homeless, widows, elderly and prisoners. I felt a new heart in me. I felt a new passion in me. I had a love I had never felt before; his love. I walked into summer with something so simple; love. Summer was just a time of loving others and learning to love myself. At the end of summer I began to see that I was growing weary and tired and that although I wanted nothing more than to give everything I had I had nothing left to give out. I was then reminded that I couldn’t rely on my own strength so I walked into a time of knowing I had nothing to give but love and my heart and the rest I just asked God to do. He brought me then to Cambodia where I spent hours walking by myself in the middle of rice fields just listening to him speak to me. His words were so kind, so full of love for me, so proud of me.Then I was at the fall season, it was a season of thankfulness, thankfulness of all he had done in the seasons before. Soon I felt the transition again; the transition of seasons, this time summer back to winter again. I was afraid of the transition this time. I didn’t want to walk back into pain and loneliness. Leaving the race was making me scared of the next season; winter. Was I going to be alone again? At the start of the race I hated not having space but now I didn’t know what to do with space. Who was I going to talk to? Who was going to fight with me, and tell me the hard things I didn’t like to hear but needed to hear if I wanted to truly be transformed into the image of Christ? I started to worry and then God spoke to me again by telling me that winter was not going to look like it usually does, or at least how I had made it to be in the past. I then realized winter was a time of provision. When you have nothing around you then you won’t be able to survive without God providing for you. I then got so excited as I realized the next season, winter, is a season of provision! God has brought me through a lot this year. He brought me through letting go, through pain, through a deep desire to be his disciple, to a season of giving out love to the poor and needy, to thankfulness and then to provision! Wow what a beautiful God. There is a time and season for everything. His timing is perfect. His seasons are perfect. He is perfect!
