This past week has been a whirlwind of late nights and long days, of meetings and decisions. I’ve spoken hard words and listened to fragile hearts – both made me cry. Food, sleep and personal hygiene were sacrificed for the bigger picture. I’m completely exhausted in the best possible way. I have nothing left to give physically, emotionally or mentally…yet I have everything to give spiritually. All I have is Jesus, and he has proven himself to be enough.
Jesus. I know I’m always loved by him, but sometimes the butterflies come back. They came back this week. He gives me the small, silly things I pray for in addition to the big, meaningful things I’m too shy to mention. He captures my heart and leaves me in awe, jaw-dropping awe. Like that look Julia Stiles gives Heath Ledger when she discovers he brought in her favorite band to play at prom.
I dyed my hair purple last week. It’s not all purple, but it’s purple enough. I didn’t do it for any specific reason other than I saw a pretty 15-year-old girl with purple hair and wanted to be like her. So I sat in a plastic chair in some woman’s home and paid $6 for purple streaks.
It didn’t mean anything at the time, but now I know it is the representation of what is going on inside of me. I have known my voice for a while but am slow to use it. There is no more time for that…my voice must be heard. The LORD speaks to me and I have a responsibility to deliver those words – no matter how hard they are or how scared I might be.
I’m beginning to see the fruit, the blessing, the inheritance of what he has for me as I continue to follow him deeper and deeper into the Promised Land. Every day I taste the milk on my lips and lick the honey off my hands. Leading this World Race squad is a gift. It’s worth every late night and early morning, every difficult conversation and all the decisions.
I’m halfway through this journey – in the middle of Honduras with tired bones and purple hair.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
