When I was on the race I often wanted to scream, rip my hair out and run away forever. Sound familiar? Maybe it was just me, but being surrounded by the same six people for a year drove me a little crazy. We lived through each day alongside one another – starting in the morning with prayer and ending in the evening with feedback. We fell asleep and woke up next to each other. We could hear every snore, every laugh and everything that happened in the bathroom (…ick.) Once when we were in Africa I was taking a bucket bath in a stall – next thing I knew I heard my teammate Adam say, “Hope, is that you?” He was bathing in the stall next to me. I couldn’t even bathe by myself – that’s how bad it was.
I’m someone who needs a lot of alone time. I lived in a house with five other people before the race, and while it was difficult to have alone time there, I would often drive away to a coffee shop or to see a movie by myself. On the World Race there is no such escape.
Because of that, my teammates really got to know me. They saw me at my best, when I was living out my calling to the fullest, and they saw me at my worst, when I was crying over lost flip flops or being really mean/annoying. And the same goes for them – I saw them at their best and worst.
I love my teammates dearly, but there were so many times when I couldn’t wait to get away from them (I’m sure they felt the same way about me.) Well, my dream came true on June 29 of this year – the day the World Race ended.
Since then I’ve been living with my parents in Ohio, where I’ve been spoiled with lots of alone time. I fall asleep by myself and wake up by myself and even shower by myself. I love it so much.
Still desiring to be a part of community (just not 24/7), I got involved in a church small group. For months I’ve met with this small group on a weekly basis – we gather together on Monday nights and sometimes on the weekends as well.
But you know what? They don’t know me, and I hardly know them. Sure, we know each other’s names, ages, and job positions – but not much else. We talk about God and we sing worship songs and we pray, but we don’t know each other. And because of that we can’t push each other, challenge each other, call each other out.
This really frustrated me for a while (still does), but I discovered you can’t get to know a group of people really well by only spending a few hours a week with them. Everyone in my small group has his or her own life – being married, attending graduate school, working various jobs – so there isn’t much time left for building deep, authentic relationships. And honestly, that’s what it seems to be like for a lot of Americans, Christians, American Christians…
I’ve been lonely this season. To my surprise, I found myself aching for my World Race team in a way I never thought I would. One day in early October I wrote in my diary, “Nobody gets me.” I had recently hung out with some of my married friends and I felt really out of place. In the same diary entry I wrote, “I miss my World Race team. I miss the comfort and protection and how safe I felt.”
We weren’t perfect, but we knew each other. We knew when someone went to bed and when they got up and when they were sick in the bathroom. We cared for each other and forgave each other. And yeah, sometimes we drove each other a little crazy. But we loved each other.
I spent these last few months hoping I could find community in my small group. It’s nearing the end of my stay in Ohio, and it never happened. Sure, we had some good times together – but they weren’t there for me when I was crying on the floor in my bedroom. In that moment the person I called was someone from my World Race team – someone who lives a plane ride away, but knows me better than anyone in this town.
I’m writing this blog because lately I’ve been reflecting on my life – on this time last year in Turkey (I was so sick of my team) and on this last season at home (like I said, it’s been a lonely one.) I think there are are six squads on the field right now – some of you have been on the race since July, others only since October. I’m sure you’ve all been at least little sick of your team by this point.
I want to caution you to not take your teams for granted, because such community is a true blessing. I’m not the only one from my squad who has experienced loneliness this season – I know there’s a good number of us. So take advantage of the opportunity you currently have. Don’t just coast by the rest of your race, really get to know each other. Love each other enough to feedback one another, and accept it humbly. Don’t let yourself get annoyed when that person leaves a mess again, or keeps everyone up at night or is lazy during ministry. Love and forgive and allow your team to be a safe place. Believe the best about each other; challenge each other to greatness.
Before you know it you’ll be back home, once again enjoying your family and friends and all the luxuries of the American life. The months will creep by, and one day you might find yourself in the same position as me and many of my squadmates – slightly isolated and missing the people from your race who “get you” and love you all the same.
So please, take heed and continue running the race with all you have in you. It’s worth the struggle.
And may you have a very Merry Christmas, where ever you are in the world.
