I Am Not Who You Think I Am
I was recently talking with a friend about the concept of comparing our lives to the lives we see on social media; Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. That these “lives” are only portraying about 1% of what is really happening in our day- to- day lives. That 1% is only showing what we want people to see. Only the good parts of our lives. Where the 99% is what is really happening, the bad and ugly parts of our lives. This is where the enemy loves to whisper the lies that “no one cares about your bad day, your depression, or your crappy job.”
I absolutely LOVE when I can find more friends and people, who I can just share my messy life with and they accept it, fill me with Truth, and love me just the way I am. I have found myself in this spot this past month. I am at a very vulnerable and emotional state. I could cry at any moment, and I have finally figured out why.
I am not at all who people think I am. Recently, people have commented about me going on the World Race, “ Are you getting excited!?”, “Wow! You are so amazing and strong for going on this journey!”, or “ I wish I would have done something like that.” I must add that I don’t mind getting these questions or responses, but I am about to get real with you. At this moment, I am not excited. The enemy has been feeding me lies this entire month. Telling me that I will Fail. I am not good enough. That I don’t have what it takes to complete this. I have even been tempted to not go, because why would I want to leave the amazing life that I have in Cincinnati, let alone the USA?
I know that God is using me with out a doubt before I leave to build His Kingdom. Lately, I feel like so many people look at me differently because of the World Race. That my life is amazing and perfect. That my life is so put together in a cookie cutter form, or that I am the strong one for leaving everything behind and even putting things on hold for 11 months. The reality is, I am none of these things. That my life is no better than someone who is a college student, working their tail off to get a degree. I am no better than the, stay-at- home mom or dad taking care of kids. I am no better than the person working at a coffee shop, slinging drinks. Each one of these roles is glorifying God, and building up His Kingdom.
My life is not perfect. I am guilty of putting only the good parts of my life on Facebook and picking a filter on Instagram to make my life look more vibrant. Yes, there is good in my life everyday, but at as a member of society and a Christ follower, I have got to be raw and real with people. Jesus is the only one who is perfect BUT before he died on the Cross, He wept, He was afraid. This is where I am at in this season God has me in. I am so weak. I am realizing it is okay to not be strong. It is okay to get defeated or deflated sometimes. That I have a Father that loves me enough to say “Hope, I want to be your strength when you are weak. I would Love to carry you through these troubled waters because I want you to see how much I care for you. I love you too much to leave you where you are.”
Friends, I have never been so stretched in my faith with God before. I feel so unqualified, but I know that through all this God is getting the glory and He has made me to fulfill this mission. Through this season of life, I am reminded of these Truths: “ But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Another Truth I have found while reading “The Circle Maker” by Mark Batterson is that God likes to play flinch with us, not to test us but to see how faithful we are to Him. He talked about the Israelites being lead out of Egypt and how God parted the Red Sea at the very last minute. “ And Moses said to the people, ‘Fear not, stand firm, and see salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. ‘The Lord WILL fight for you, and you have only to be still.” (Exodus 14:13-14)
I say all of this to let you know my heart and what is REALLY going on. I am confident that I will get out of this funk, but right now I am enjoying resting in my weakness and letting God show me His strength. I also pray that as a society, we can start being real and raw with people. To take the filters off, take the mask off, and just share life with one another. Let’s be a generation who isn’t afraid to see people for who they really are.
I love you all to pieces and I can’t wait to share more of this journey with you, and to grow together.
In It For Good With Him
Hope
