*An excerpt from my Journal*
[Striving] trying very hard to do or achieve something.
Lord, is this what I am doing? That when you tell me to BE, I strive for approval. Approval of what? Man. Because I will never be enough for man. I am in a place of feeling like a failure/disappointment and striving….right where the enemy wants me…And the place where You want me to be? Not to be all these things I think I have to be for everyone, to work harder at a particular thing, or to prove to myself I am good enough. But BE.
Identity, is something I struggled with in India. And something that I have a better grip on now and I can say that I am confident in. But when I am not BE-ing, how can I truly be who You say my identity is?
Because to BE- is to be used to identify a person or to describe the qualities of a person. To BE is to simply sit before the throne of You, My King, and let You BE who You have told me You are. To Be and to allow You to speak life over the dead parts of my body.
I can try/strive to gain approval from man but why? When I have approval from THE ONE, who is Holy, perfect and blameless.
Why am I striving? Because I don’t have enough faith in You? Because I have to prove to others I can do XYZ…?
Striving is a tool of the enemy. I know, You, Lord, have told me “I am enough, I have been and always will be.”
I am striving because I don’t want to fail…”Fail what?”
Lord, I don’t want to fail you and all the things you have put in my place. I am honored You chose me for this Kingdom vision but what if I fail? What if I got it all wrong? What if I didn’t hear you right? What if the fundraising fails?
“But what if it doesn’t?”…”Seriously, Hope, What if it doesn’t?”
“What if you are a child of God who has discernment of the Holy Spirit. What if you are a Woman of worth and knows her identity in Me and allows that to fuel her faith. What if you are a Daughter of a King who doesn’t put her God in a box, but allows her mind to dream and gives way to visions. What if the coffee shop was real and because you dared to courageously step into this Kingdom Calling, and people got to know about Me!? Were people felt loved and acceptance where they thought they never would. What if people knew about My grace, My truth, and the way I fight for my people. Hope Elizabeth, I promise you, even if you fail, it WILL be a victory.” ….”Fail to strive to be all these things you “think” you have to be for everyone else and just BE. My mighty daughter, who knows how to love with no boundaries. You have approval, you are loved, you are held, and by all of this truth, let that be enough to stir your faith in ME.”
