This past week there has been an explosion of concern about an issue very close to my life. I have literally never commented on things gone viral in the social media realm or political crazes; I’ve never even posted my results of “What Disney Princess are you?” on Facebook. I’ve heard a lot of things said and posted on the issue of depression and suicide this week. I know in another week or so the comments will fade and we will find something else in the news to discuss.
Today I am choosing to speak up, to share a piece of me not many people know about.
“Words are the foundation upon which we build our lives.” -Jon Foreman
We all have that word right? The one we call ourselves all the time. The one no else calls us, or maybe they have at one time, but we use it more than anyone else does. Some words we define ourselves with are positive; joyful, loved, saved, precious, sons and daughters of the one King. Other words are negative; fat, skinny, ugly, mean, unlovable, broken. These words have been around for a long time and whether we use them for ourselves or others the can have a profound impact on our thoughts and especially behaviors.
Over the past six years of my life one word that I have avoided and only recently come to face is depression.
A word I’ve grown to fear it. If I admit this they’ll see me differently. If I admit it I’m weak and selfish. The word we hear from doctors that makes us a statistic. I stand out in the type of moment where all I want to do is fade away into my vices to cope. I’m only 22 years old right? But I’ve felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, and let me say it’s heavy. The word depression just holds weight on me.
I know these are lies I’ve created and some days it a huge struggle to remember truths like:
Psalm 40:1-3 “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.”
Psalm 42:11 “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
But on my worst days its these words that drive me. Words destroy and words can rebuild. Especially the words above that are written as a psalm or a “song of praise.” Single words and phrases have the ability to infiltrate our thoughts and consume us with what we don’t need. Psalms have the ability to unravel all of that. Another great quote to help describe this from Jon Foreman is:
“The melody can help to string broken things together, bringing me back from the ledge of from depression. Sometimes, the music says it better than the words do; the melody brings the tension and release into a dance rather than a struggle. This isn’t to say that music stops the pain. Rather, music contextualizes the pain within the larger human experience and thus brings a certain timeless meaning and depth to the temporary despair and hopelessness I feel. And to this end, I love music.”
One of my “life verses” that has helped me through so much is Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Another song of praise to look at and know God is speaking through it. No matter how fast my brain is moving or how slow my body moves in comparison I just need to be still and feel his presence.
I just want to close this with a few of my favorite words. Encouraging things I tend to revert back to, to remind myself that God created these truthful words and they are what bring me towards the sunshine.
Communtiy
Thrive
Beautiful
Laughter
Co-heir with Christ
Unique
Rebuild
Savior
Great Love
Life to the full
“Beautiful disaster”
“Your love is a symphony”
“We are defiant in your name”
“We were meant to live for so much more”
“Every breath is a second chance”
“Love alone is worth the fight”
I don’t think I near the end of my battle with depression but let me tell you it won’t win.
Romans 8:37-39
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I don’t know what your battle today is but if you hear anything from this blog hear that you are loved. Know there are people out there fighting the same fight as you. There are people out there willing to fight alongside of you. God’s great love can conquer all and never forget that.
Thanks for making it to the end 
I would love to hear from YOU! If you identify with this at all or have other battles you want to get out in the open feel free to comment or message me. Maybe you have an encouraging word or phrase the rest of the us need to hear. You never know who your words might touch and speak life to.
P.S. Some resources that have helped me push through can be found in any Switchfoot song, Jon Foreman’s blog on Huffington Post, TWLOHA.com, and the Bible 
