So I am a journaler. I have been since elementary school. I have journals from that era chronicling vocabulary tests and boys I liked. Anytime I’ve ever had something to say I just write it out. Therefore you probably get more random scribblings from me than from other World Racers.
Today I am not really sure what I am trying to say but I’m definitely having a lot of emotions. Since moving home from college it hasn’t felt normal. I have been away from this place only coming back for a few weeks, here and there, every so often. I haven’t spent more than a month at home in 4 years. This past week has had a lot of moments of feeling that I don’t belong. I know this isn’t true, I mean it’s home, I belong.
I often have this feeling when moving from place to place. It’s just how I function and have for a long time. If I’m not careful and don’t take self-care seriously I fall back into depression. One of the hardest yet easiest things that I know to do is stay in community with other people.
I had a rough day on Saturday. No one was home and if you know me at all I’m so much an extrovert that I need to be around people basically all the time, even if I’m talking to them; it keeps me grounded. I headed over to a one of my favorite places (the Harris household); they are going through an extremely tough moment right now. One of my mentors, a momma of two adorable boys and one of the people helping me fundraise, just had a massive stroke but is doing well with plenty of love and prayers surrounding her. I definitely didn’t plan on being blessed when I visited but I absolutely was.
Seeing her and the whole family being strong for not only each other and unintentionally to those around them was inspiring. I know this is truly from God and they all have a love like Jesus, which is huge. It spoke to me greatly just to see them loving on each other, and me, in such a time of huge uncertainty and havoc.
Granted the Harris family and I are going through two completely separate hardships but I know we both are looking to God and other people for support, answers, and hope.
This past semester during a Young Life club talk one of my fellow leaders, Ally, brought a great idea she had heard in the past that basically helped change her life. But God. It honestly is such a simple idea yet massively impactful if you let it.
- The earth was flooded, but God saved Noah, his family, and the animals of the earth.
- Sarah was unable to have children, but God blessed her and Abraham with Isaac and fulfilled His promise to them.
- Daniel was thrown into the lion’s den to be eaten, but God protected him to live and speak truth.
- Saul persecuted hundreds, but God gave him a new mission as Paul to save hundreds of others in Jesus’ name.
- Christin had a stroke, but God is healing her body everyday and giving her whole family strength.
- I sometimes feel I can’t see God anywhere, but God is stilling speaking life and gives reminders of His power and love everywhere.
See where this may be going?
One of the greatest “but God” moments in the Bible is Romans 5:6-8
6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
We were and still are sinners addicted to our vices but God has mercy and love for us each new morning. Lamentations 3: 22-23
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
There seems to always be a “but God” moment in my life and those around me. It isn’t aimed to make us feel like we can’t have those unpleasant emotions of confusion and anger, and that we aren’t allowed to ask WHY. This “but God” is to remind us of who is really in control; to remind us that in the desperate times God is there to say “I am here with you.” There is no magic fix but there is an all powerful, loving Papa ready to scoop us up and get us through these tough times.
I have no idea if all these words I’ve written out together are beneficial for anyone. They are just thoughts really but I pray God continues to speak directly to YOU and you hear His call for your life always and that you see your own “but God” moments.
Thanks for making it to the end 🙂
