This past week has been
extremely difficult for me personally. While I have loved the ministry and every moment I have had here in Phuket, there
are many things back home that have been difficult to process and cope
with. With my physical presence
unable to reach the people I love who are suffering, my heart longs to be with
them; to weep with them and simply be present with them. Tonight I thought the weight of it all
was to great, too overwhelming to bear.
Coupled with going to the bars, I did not know how I could handle the
whole thing.
The enemy slyly crept in and
said, “You shouldn’t go to Patong tonight, you are too emotionally
unfocused. You cannot be productive there.” Praise God for His
faithfulness as I recognized the deceit and got in the taxi to go to Patong
anyway. In all honesty I was extremely adgetated since news from home had
already kept me from the bars one night within the past week. I could not allow that to happen
again. God is doing great things
in Patong and I know the enemy does not like it. I refuse to be a defeated foe. I am a child of the Risen Lamb of God, and just to make it
perfectly clear; I am more than a conqueror because of Christ! (Romans 8:28-39)
Originally, my intention was
to sit in a Starbucks and pray for the girls as they went to minister in the
bars. God had other plans. Our team sat together for a while when we got
to Bangla Road (where all the bars are) inside a Starbucks and prayed. While one of my teammates was sharing
some discouragement she was experiencing, the Lord gave me an all-to-familiar
passage to read over her. I
immediately realized the passage was for me as well.
“But He said to me, “My
grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore
I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power my
rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weakness, in insults,
in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am
strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
After praying together for
about an hour (where we discovered that I was not alone in discouragement,
etc), we claimed the truth of God’s Word over our lives and asked the covering
of the Holy Spirit by our adoption in Christ and the armor of God. We laid down our burdens, took up the
armor, and set out to the bars.
Tonight God gave us divine
appointments to have deep conversations with women who spoke English well (not
a common occurrence- most speak some English but not enough to have a 20 minute
conversation). He directed our steps to the bars we needed to visit and
prevented us from places we were to avoid. We were able to connect with several women and are having
some come to visit SHE tomorrow for the first time because of our presence
tonight. I personally felt moved by God to talk to specific women about
specific subjects, which has not been all that common for me. I was filled with energy and boldness
to initiate conversations with new girls and share about the choice they have
in SHE. I was completely
emotionally shot as we left for Patong and here God brought energy to me in
what our contact Mark refers to as, “the pit of hell.”
God made it clear to me that
His strength really is perfected in our weakness. I am amazed to see
that though the difficulties of issues at home and not being able to be present
there has weakened me, Christ’s strength in me has been perfected. I am
learning that when I am weak, I am not defeated. I think particularly as Americans we see the weakness as
defeat. In the Lord, perhaps
weakness is what God desires most in us that He may freely work. This is a mystery I do not claim to
understand fully, but I have experienced first hand tonight the power of His
presence when I cannot stand on my own two feet. To the glory of His name!
