Sometimes all we need is a little change in perspective.
I have found in the past week I have realized this important lesson. My first three months on the race have been filled with doubt, anger, selfishness, and pride. I have forgotten who I am, and even those things I have been certain were from God have been forgotten. I have had a difficult time tapping into my giftings and really living out who God has made me to be. I have thus been frustrated and hopeless in a lot of ways. I had lost hope of ever knowing myself when with these people and ever reaching a place of depth with my teammates.
All of this changed when I was talking with a friend and squadmate who was telling me what God was teaching her. She explained how God was changing her perspective. She said if there is one thing she could do for the rest of her life, one goal to have, it would be fixing her eyes on Jesus. As a fellow visionary, someone who loves to see the big picture and take care of the details later, I deeply resonated with her words.
I realized suddenly that I was paying attention to everything but Jesus. The lies the enemy was telling me about my identity consumed me and I began to believe them and question those things God has revealed to me regarding who I am in Christ. In this defensive state, I received words from others as extremely hurtful. I payed attention to the lies the enemy told me in my mind and allowed anything to take a foothold. This further left me as a closed book to my teammates, fearful of vulnerability. Furthermore, this left me feeling extremely lonely and tired and lost. As you can see, as soon as my perspective was on myself and others, everything went wrong.
Likewise, as soon as I turned my eyes to Jesus, as soon as I realized that need for change in perspective, everything else changed along with it.
Colossians 3:3 states that our lives are “hidden with Christ in God.” I have pondered on this many times, but have not understood its meaning in this way before. I was thinking that when I fix my eyes on Jesus, though, everything else seems to fade in the background. Everything seems less important, because knowing Jesus is the only important thing. So when I look to Him, everything else seems to blur to the sides and become unrecognizable.
I had been looking to everything and everyone (including myself) to give me the answer of who I am. To remind me. But I realized that as I looked to Jesus instead, when my focus was on Him and not myself, I found myself hidden somewhere in Jesus. It’s as though God is guarding my name with His very being, and hidden in Him is the only place I can find me. I only really know me when I look to Him.
I think that identity is a continual process and that God will reveal to us our name when we meet Him in glory (Revelation 2:17). But His word, both written and spoken, tells us bits and pieces. Knowing our name helps us to understand and discover the things that make us feel alive, the things we were created to do. But we can only know these things, and as a result find new life, when we look to Jesus. When we get to a point when we realize that He is all that matters and let go of everything else. It is then, and only then, that we will know the things we need to know about ourselves for this moment.
I am really thankful for this change in perspective because it has revolutionized my Race experience. I find myself using the gifts God has given me in casting vision, exhortation, and mercy. I have been able to see hope in myself and in my team and cast vision to a new direction. I have been able to see others gifts more readily and encourage them in living those out. I have also seen the pain of individuals more immediately and felt compassion for them, moving my heart to prayer and a desire to pursue, serve and encourage them.
All it takes sometimes is a little change in perspective.
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down a the right hand of the throne of God” -Hebrews 12:2
