As my small group bowed their heads to pray over me, Jake on
AIM staff, came and laid his hand on me as well. Before I knew it, tears were streaming down
my face and Jake was speaking truth into my life. I had never met Jake before, yet that did not
stop God from using him to reach me. My
whole life I have struggled to maintain control. I have tried in vain to present a normal and
perfect front to people so they would not see the mess I truly was on the
inside. 
I was afraid to let go; afraid
that if I did not have control than who could possibly love me? On Day One (Saturday) of training camp
God spoke through Jake, and I heard
Him. He understood how much I have hurt
myself in an effort to keep control in my life, and He wanted me to know it was
okay to let it go.
Each day at camp was a battle for me. God wanted all of me, yet I was still struggling
to surrender. I saw others around me
give it all up to God. I saw others embrace the Holy Spirit. What I saw I wanted
too, but I also understood the price. On
Wednesday night, this internal struggle between me and God finally came to a
breaking point. I stood up to be prayed
for, and when an AIM staff came to pray over me, she told me God had something
He wanted to tell me for Himself. I
immediately panicked because I had been trying all week to hear from God again,
but I couldn’t. That was my whole
problem. I was so in control that I could not open myself up to the Holy
Spirit. As Ashley walked away, however, I
heard an unmistakable voice say, I am enough.
That was it. I knew that God was
telling me all I need is Him. I don’t
need to have control over everything; I don’t need to always be performing and
pleasing others; I don’t need anything but God.
He IS enough.
While so many things happened at training camp, and I could
go on forever sharing everything, I will stop here. The most important thing that I took away
from camp I am sharing with you right now.
God is real and if you are willing to listen, you will hear Him. As time has passed we have lost so much of
what God had intended for us. He wants
to be apart of our lives, and He wants to equip us with the spiritual gifts to
bring about His kingdom to all the nations.
The God of the Old Testament is still the God of today. Miracles can still happen, the Holy Spirit
can still move us. We just have to let
go and believe. We are not enough to
change the world by ourselves, but God is.
And He is more real and more powerful than I could have ever imagined.
