“And there are also many other things which Jesus did, which if they were written in detail, I supposed that even the world itself would not contain the books that would be written.”
John 21:25
I believe that every person who has come to know and encountered the Lord Jesus Christ would surely take part in these books; for He has been the redeemer, the healer, the comforter, the friend, and the savior that we all need.
Inside and outside, Jesus is at work constantly refining and building His people up for the Kingdom. Some have come to the knowledge that this growth is good, but others still struggle seeing the good in growth. I encourage you, dear friend, to count it a blessing when trials, persecutions, and growing occurs.
For the past seven months on the road, I have seen the “other things which Jesus did” and I am constantly humbled by His grace and mercy that invites me to love and serve HIm.
Even in my own life, my perception of His sovereignty has grown. Admiration is a word that weakly describes my feelings towards the goodness that always leads me to praise my Heavenly Father, but it is the only word that accurately describes how I feel in the moment.
I’ve met the loving hand of God, comforted in my pain and misunderstanding. I’ve met the refining hand and had impurities removed from my thoughts, heart, and belief. Most of all, His gracious hand meets with me every day, and that is what leads me.
In Thailand (October 2015), He began to walk me though the process of seeing beauty in pain and began to prepare me for the lessons that would shape and create me to look more like my Father in Heaven.
He taught me that in order for there to be life, there must be death. “Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him.” Romans 6:8. As I wrote out all the things I wanted to die to, I began to realize that these things (perfectionism, insecurities, comparison, doubt) had to die in order for life to occur. I was embarrassed by these things, but shame is a liar and doesn’t deserve a say in my decisions. Thailand was a hard month for me, but it has been one of my favorite months.
Malaysia (November 2015) was the month of uprooting. We can try to burry all the ugly and painful things of our flesh, but just like a weed, those things always grow back and spread. Sometimes weeds have a pretty appearance, but they suffocate all the life around them. However, when we uproot them, they no longer have permission to grow.
And so I began to ask the Lord to refine me; to refine the perfectionist Holley, to refine the insecure Holley, to refine the doubtful Holley. And He has begun to do so, but sanctification is a process, so we are still working on those things together.
“Refine them as silver is refined, and test them as gold is tested. They will call on My name and I will answer them; I will say, ’they are my people’ and they will say ’the Lord is my God.’” Zechariah 13:9
The Lord also revealed to me that if I wanted to walk in sanctification with Him, I had to let something go apart from the things I struggle with. I had to let go of my freedom, because if I don’t let my fleshly freedom go, then I will never be free. And so it was then that my heart decided that being a bond-servant of Christ is worth far more than the freedom I have in this world.
Slavery to Jesus is the one thing that sets you free.
“For he who was called in the Lord while a slave, is the Lord’s freedman; likewise he who is called while free, is Christ’s slave.” 2 Corinthians 7:22
Botswana (December 2015) was a continuation of the lessons that I was/am learning. I asked myself the question, “How can I use my weaknesses to glorify God?” I never want to drown in my sin and pity because I have been redeemed from it and they no longer have a hold on me. The Word says “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weakness, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
My greatest weakness is His greatest strength, and in order to allow that truth to set in, I must die daily. I die to those thoughts and those attitudes and offer them as a sacrifice. It’s not a pretty thing. It’s dirty and messed up, and sometimes it doesn’t seem like an acceptable offering to the King, but that’s exactly what He wants. Because when we offer our weaknesses to Him, it’s admitting that we need Him. It’s admitting that we can’t carry those burdens and it’s allowing what Jesus did on the cross for us to be fulfilled. It’s saying that His death means something to our life. And as my friend Briana always says, “let God be God and me be me.”
Now I am here in South Africa, and I’m learning the beauty of my testimony and the beauty of my weaknesses. I dare not take pride in those weaknesses, but rather I take pride in the One who has redeemed me from them. I am learning that the perfectionism that I struggle with can be turned into doing my very best and having enough courage to have grace for myself when I fall short. I am learning that the comparative thoughts I had/have connect with perfectionism. But instead of condemning myself for them, I can celebrate in the gifting and strength of the person and encourage them to continue to walk out and grow in whatever it is.
Above all else, I’m learning that “there are many other things with Jesus did, which if they were written in detail, I suppose that even the world itself would not contain the books that would be written.”
So, here is my short addition to those books.
Thank you, all, who are sharing in this journey with me. I apologize for being absent the past four months, but as you can see, I had a lot of learning to do. 🙂
[I am fully funded and will return home at the end of May.]
