A fun fact about me – one of my favorite things ever is backpacking. BUT every single time I dread the inevitable aspect of feeling dirty after not showering, being cold, and being uncomfortable after sleeping on the ground. Weird because I still love going every single time. And all of the good parts, the views, the community, the memories of everyone kind of suffering together, outweigh the uncomfortable parts of it every time. And then I am on my way to the next trip and I dread those things all over again, and I forgot that being dirty and smelly and laying in a tent not being able to move because if I do I will roll off my sleeping pad, was actually really good in that moment. I think that my attitude towards backpacking resembles my relationship with Jesus in a way. Every time God encourages me out of my comfort zone I experience growth and freedom and fullness. I am never let down or disappointed after going through it. But when the season is over I run back to things that will make my life comfortable for 5 seconds.
This past Christmas, my parents gifted me a new phone. A phone wasn’t something that I expected or even needed, I literally just fixed the screen on my old phone a few months before that. My first reaction was a feeling of being undeserving. My younger brother also got a new phone for Christmas, and his immediate reaction was excited. I think that if I was in the same situation last Christmas, I would have had a reaction similar to my brother’s. My second reaction was uneasiness. I felt uneasy thinking about two things. The first was that there are so many people on this earth who need things more basic than a phone than me. The second thing (the thing that stuck with me more) is this – I do not want to live a life constantly chasing after the next thing and the next thing and the next thing and the next thing, never being satisfied.
I know God does this really cool thing where He puts seemingly small ideas, feelings, whatever, on our hearts through small situations that prepare us for BIG plans coming to fruition. In my case, it was feeling convicted about desiring comfort in life when I know that is not how God calls His followers to live. I can tell you tons and tons of ways I fail and choose myself, through comfort, instead of Jesus. Shows how I am so desperately in need of a savior.
Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” Matthew 16:24-16
So, I’m going to Zambia this summer. What lead me here was a bunch of moments that didn’t seem to necessarily lead anywhere except for personal growth. Moments of conviction and confession orchestrated by God that prepared my heart to apply for a mission trip. God is STILL preparing my heart. I’m kinda into doing things like having a “word of the year”, and at the beginning of this year I prayed for discomfort. God flipping knows what He’s doing. The current posture of my heart? I am excited to get a new perspective of who the Lord is that isn’t molded around America’s image of what being a Christ follower should look like. I am excited to see the fullness of the Lord that isn’t crowded with material possessions. I am excited to love people I have never met, getting a glimpse of God’s heart for every human. I hope that at least the one thing you take away from reading this is how cool I think it is that God does every single thing for us to know Him and make Him known. He really did that. Thanks for reading this far ha.
