The idea of blogging about all that has gone on the past 13 or so days can only be described as daunting. Regardless, here goes:
I left Columbia, SC knowing only my roommate Leize and we set on our way to GA to join up with 85 or so fellow racers and scores of staff members. We stopped in Greenville, SC to jump in the car with some other racers hailing from the Carolinas. That gave us a crew of 6 going into the week. When we arrived I think we all felt the same feeling: overwhelmed. There were people everywhere and all I knew to do was cling to the 5 people I ‘knew.’ I dont really remember what happened over the next few hours but I was quickly jolted out of any comfort I had managed to scrounge up on the car ride to camp.
The first 5 days or so were focused on ourselves as individuals. I was surprised to find that with half of training camp over there had been no talk of what countries we were going to, what to pack, whose team we were on, what ministry opportunites we would have or anything of that nature. It was all focused on us and our indivdual hearts. If I had to sum it up into one sentence I’d say that: AIM focused on making us as healthy as possible- spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I needed that. I think we all need that. I learned that it is good to be introspective; that it is necessary. This was the greatest lesson anyone could have taught me.
I thought a lot about things that hurt to think about, that I avoid at all costs. I spent precious time on each memory, on each hurt. I allowed myself to grieve through things that I have pushed away for years. I thought a lot about what I was holding back from God and what was holding me back from Him. God was very gracious through this process. It seemed that my mind could only focus on one thing at a time- giving me time to fully experience those emotions and then take a few steps forward before the next issues. It was all very gradual, very sweet.
I know I was only gone 10 days but in terms of the strides I took towards freedom, it was years. I’m not sure my heart has ever felt more open, that I’ve allowed myself to be so vulerable…and especially with 85+ strangers. Looking back on these past days it seems so strange. Most details run together and I cant even remember much of anything we did but I know that I came out of it different.
I have gained a new family or bayith as we say. I already feel so loved and accepted by them. I am overwhelmed by love and empathy for their hurts and struggles. I want to be with them now but I also have to remember that these 2 months until we leave is crucial. I need not wish away this time. I must push through and continue the healing process. I must be ‘present’ where I am. I must love them from afar. Our hearts are melded together by the unshakable foundation that can only be found in Christ. In that I can find peace and rest.
