I had a job that was everything I thought I needed. I was driving full steam ahead into the
American dream. I went to college. I
graduated with a respectable degree and was offered a job in that field before
graduation, despite the state of the economy.
I was entertaining thoughts of job promotions and 401Ks. My savings account was growing towards some
unknown goal. I even joined a gym. I often wondered how long it would be until I
got married, bought a house, and started a family. That’s how the steps go, right?
I was dying trying to fit into this mold of what I thought I
was supposed to do. I was rotting away at a desk, doing a job
that I thought would help jump start my future.
I spent more time thinking about my resume than I did my soul. It all looked great on paper but I wasn’t
fulfilled. I just existed. Everyday little pieces of me were chipping,
falling away, and dying. There was very
little life flowing through my veins. I
was slowly fading. The true me was
dying.
The irony is that God gave me a glimpse of a different way
to live while I was sitting at that same desk at work. I stumbled upon a World Race blog through a
round-a-bout Facebook excursion. I started
reading someone’s blog who I had never met, who wasn’t necessarily a compelling
writer, who if I remember correctly hadn’t even actually left America to start
the race and I was sobbing. I hadn’t let
myself dream of a different life in so long that it floored me. My dreams had long since been drowned inside
of me. I was being stared in the face by
an adventure, by a challenge, by a chance to break out of the mold. I was scared by the level of commitment my
heart took immediately. I finished the
application by the end of the day; I called it a step of faith. I never dreamed that one small step of faith
would just a few months later land me in Bar, Montenegro with 13 others who
left behind their lives, never to return again.
There is no way for me to describe where I am now…I feel
like that theme is going to become all too familiar on this blog. Even just in the last week so much has
changed. And it’s not like I am a part
of some heart breaking ministry or hearing a gifted speaker pour knowledge over
me. There is nothing going on here that
can explain why I feel more alive this week than ever before in my entire
life. The only explanation is the
Lord. He has flipped a switch in my
heart that has been off and locked and hidden in a dark room my whole
life. But He fought through the lock and
the cobwebs and the darkness and the dust and flipped the switch. The light is on now and all I can do is give
praise to the one who cut it on.
The old me is dead. I
am a new person. I now choose every day
to let the ‘me’ I’ve always known die. To live the way I know I was created to
live I must die…and the good in me, Jesus, must live. I feel alive.
And in all of this death I finally am free to live. Praise Jesus
for transformation.
