My name is Hillary Barry and this is what the enemy says to me.
Hey Hillary. You are not being a good World Racer. Hopefully all your supporters don’t find out that you are a complete waste of time and effort. You aren’t doing much around here so you should probably look into buying a plane ticket home. Do you see how everyone else is doing really good and thriving and you’re not? Yeah, that’s a big deal. Your worth comes from how many people on your squad want to have one-on-ones with you and how many orphans you get pictures with. So now you can see how you’re not doing too hot and how useless you are.
Even when you talk to friends or strangers on the street, you have no effect on their day because you are unworthy and have nothing good to say. It’s not like you can even try harder because your body is too sick and too broken to even try harder. So not only are you useless, but you’re pretty pathetic too.
I love getting to prove to you how wrong you were for even coming on this “adventure” of yours. You thought you would be changing lives and sight seeing and making so many friends. You have nothing to show for yourself and its already month two. Why can’t you just believe what I have been telling you your whole life. You are unloved. Unsought. Undesirable. Unworthy. You might’ve thought you were somebody at TCU but you’re not there anymore. You no longer possess gifts or talents or even purpose. You are in Nepal and you are alone and everyone from home has already forgotten about you.
Where is this God you believe in? He has forgotten about you too, Hil. He has bigger things to deal with then you. You are out of reach to Him and He couldn’t care less about you. I know you feel distant but don’t tell anyone because then you will be condemned and accused. Tell everyone you are fine because once you open up, you will be rejected.
It’s not going to get any better. Get used to this heaviness to be on your back for the rest of your days. You have a long journey ahead of you and it probably won’t even be worth it in the end.
My name is Hillary Barry and this is what my God says to me.
Hil, you know I’m right here, right? And I’m not meeting you where you pretend to be, I’m meeting you where you actually are because you don’t have to fake it with me. I haven’t gone anywhere and I knew today was going to be a little harder. Come out from the rain of lies that are hitting you. Come inside, let me dry your clothes and make us some tea and let’s talk about this.
Remember when I told you last year to go on the World Race? Well now you are on it and it is the exact place I want you to be this year. I even walked before you and I know every place you will lay your head at night and every face you will smile at, and let me tell you, I love your big smile. I know you didn’t plan for sickness but I did and I’m going to use it as a part of your story. The story of how my strong and resilient daughter’s pain was not meaningless.
Hil, you are not useless. Your words and your presence is helping people see Me even if don’t see it. You have no idea how many people have started talking to me because of a hope you ignited in their hearts. Don’t be fooled into thinking that you aren’t doing a good job and don’t try and compare yourself to your peers. All of you were wonderfully made by Me, but also uniquely made. You each have gifts that this world needs. That’s right, I said you have gifts, Hil. Why did you think you didn’t?
I know you can be hard on yourself but allow me to drench you in my grace and what is true. You are mine and a masterpiece. You are captivating and cherished. Delightful and adored. I know I carved the tops of the mountains and concocted the ripe taste of strawberries, but I like you better than that. I would rather watch you dance around the kitchen then watch the sunset. My time spent with you is more valuable than any amount you could put on a price tag. You are just that worth it to me.
Don’t be scared to be broken or to cry because I will help you. I want to stitch you back up in love and care with my healing hands. Please remember to tell people what I am doing in your life because I might use your story to stitch other people back up too. I’m in the business of fixing the broken so let them know that they can come to me at anytime.
And you know that weight that you’ve been carrying from the difficulty of this world? Let me take that from you. Years ago I died on a cross for all of these things so you wouldn’t have to bear the weight anymore, and it is my delight, today, to take it from you again. There is nothing you can do to earn my love and there is nothing you can do to lose it either, so let me take that weight off your back too.
Hey, and Hil? I know you know all of this, but let’s just make a point to remember these things. Let’s meet as many times of the day as you need for you to be reminded that you are valued and cared for. I still have some big plans for you on earth, but I look forward to the day we will meet face to face in Heaven and I will get to tell you how much I love you.
