This is the story of one of my friends that I have met at Sandra Jones Center. She pulled me aside one day, with the urgency to be fully known and fully loved. She revealed all the details of her life. The good, the hard, and the unimaginable.
Her and her family is officially stamped on my heart and it is a story I will never forget. However, for her safety, I have changed the names in the story.
Here is her story:
Emma grew up in a rural area of Zimbabwe and her parents left when she was a baby, so she lived with her grandma. When Emma was four, her grandma got really sick and it was Emma’s job to take care of her. She was responsible for bathing her grandma and taking her to the bathroom. However, her grandma was heavy and Emma struggled to take care of her.
“Many times, I would sit my Grandma in a chair and she would just sit there all day because I couldn’t move her.”�
When her grandmother got bad sores from immobility, they asked to move in with their neighbor. In 2004 her grandma died.
Living with her neighbor was very abusive, so Emma decided to run away. She ran to a different town where she had relatives. But living with her relatives was not good, because they too often physically abused her. One day they brought a 40-year-old man for Emma to marry. Emma was 13 and refused to do so, so she left and began to live with her other grandma. When her other grandmother died in 2008, she went to live with her uncle, her mother’s brother.
Living with her uncle was great! He paid for her to go to school, bought her a school uniform, and even a cell phone. She was very smart and instantly excelled. One day, on the way home from school, her uncle asked her to wait for him at a nearby store. Hours passed and Emma told her uncle that she just wanted to go home. They walked home when her uncle began telling her that she needed to pay him back for all the things he bought for her.
“How can I pay for school and my cellphone since I don’t have a job?”�
He said that she must sleep with him for payment. When she refused, he pushed her on the ground, and raped her behind a bush. Afterwards, Emma hobbled home as blood dripped to the ground. Her uncle told her that if she told anyone, he would kill her. When they got home, her uncle’s wife yelled at her for bleeding and made her make her own dinner.
“I just remember going outside to start making myself something to eat and crying.”
Her mom ended up finding where she was living and started calling her at her uncle’s house. Her uncle would lie her mother about Emma. He would tell her how awful Emma was being and how she chose to drop out of school. He would also lie to Emma and tell her how her mom is a prostitute and she shouldn’t want anything to do with her. Her mom requested that Emma come stay with her in Bulawayo, the capital of Zimbabwe. Her uncle refused to let her go so Emma ran away to the mountains for 3 days.
She decided to make her way to Bulawayo to meet her mom. At this point, she knew she was pregnant but she wasn’t showing. She didn’t have money to take the bus, but she got on anyway. When they asked for her bus ticket she told them she had no money and everyone stared at her as she flushed with embarrassment. She promised them that her mom was going to meet her at the bus station and she would pay them, as she hoped that this would indeed be true. Her mom ended up being there and the bus fare was paid.
Emma began living with her mom but refused to tell her anything about what her life had been like and was definitely not going to tell her she was pregnant. However, after a few months, her mom knew Emma was pregnant. Her mom requested that they travel to South Africa in order to abort the baby, but Emma didn’t want to. Emma refused to tell her mother who the father was, but eventually confessed. Her mother immediately called her brother, Emma’s uncle, in rage. He surprisingly admitted it but insisted that it was consensual, which left Emma furious, hopeless, and heartbroken.
She gave birth when she was 15 years old.
“When I had the baby, I didn’t even want to look at it. I didn’t know if it was a girl or boy, I just wanted the baby to be taken away.”�
The baby was taken to Sandra Jones Center, while Emma continued to stay at her mother’s. About a month later, Emma wanted to see her baby.
“I walked in and saw Taylor for the first time. She was so beautiful.”�
Emma left Taylor at the Sandra Jones Center because her mom didn’t want the baby around. Emma continued to live apart from Taylor and was overcome with shame.
“I began hating myself and my body and I no longer cared what happened to it.”�
Emma began sleeping around with different men and started dating one of the guys. Soon enough, she became pregnant.
Her mother was even more ashamed of Emma as she had gotten pregnant a second time and she made Emma go live with the boy and his family.
“It was very bad living with that family, especially since the baby’s father refused to take responsibility.”�
Emma became overwhelmed with shame and tried to end her life by overdosing on any pills she could find.
“I decided I didn’t want the baby and I didn’t want to live either, so I took a bunch of pills. But I woke up and I was fine and the baby was fine too. It was a miracle.”�
When Emma gave birth to her son, Colin, she moved into Sandra Jones Center, where Taylor was already staying. At Sandra Jones Center, she is able to have a safe and encouraging environment. She is able to go to school, take vocational classes, and learn creative skills as she cares for her children.
“When I look at Taylor, all I see is all the bad memories about what happened to me. I have a hard time spending time with her. I am trying to build a bond with her, but it’s difficult.”�
Taylor is 5 and Colin is 2. While Emma is only 19, she is loving and vibrant and trying to be the very best mother she can be.
