The only good missionary is a dead missionary…
These very scary, yet very real words were spoken to me by a very wise man I met month three in Bolivia. I wanted to brush them off as his thoughts and his views; but God had so many little golden nuggets He was going to reveal to me through that one little sentence, that would eventually rock my world.
I must die to my way of life. Say goodbye to a daily routine. Goodbye to being able to drive five minutes to spend time with my family. Goodbye to being able to just phone a friend. Goodbye to your favorite foods, stores, and hobbies. Goodbye for now to your style, favorite clothes, and always feeling clean (you really do end up missing hot showers). Basically your comfortable life is over and your ” I could never imagine doing that life” is beginning. And this is just the beginning of the dying.
I must die to my way of sweeping the dirt under the rug. Say goodbye to known comforts and all previously known ways of dealing with what life has to throw at you. Things can get messy in life and in the field, but there’s no retreating to your ” comfortable getaways.” Sometimes you can’t even getaway. You’re surrounded by everything and everybody that God has placed into your new life. There is no escape or running away from the hard things. There are people (wise, godly people) that will and do speak so much truth and life into you that you can no longer go on living in the dirt you were sitting on.
I must die to MY way of thinking. I am not always right. (Imagine that!) things are not done the same in every home, country, and church and that’s okay. I’m not here to “fix” things I’m here to love people and love on people. I’m here for such a short time and these are their daily lives. Even in my team there are so many personalities and life stories trying to come together to work as one. I’m not here to appease and people please but to share and learn with and from them. Everyone has thoughts and opinions and I am to find the little golden nuggets hidden in those, as well as find the beauty in seeing where they are coming from.
I must die to my expectations. They told us day one of training camp to give up ALL expectations and expect nothing. They said it would be easier said than done, but I thought “Nah, I got this.” So I did it. I “expected” to easily expect nothing. So you could imagine my surprise when my expectations were not happening. “This isn’t what I expected, where are the unbelievers, where are the healings, where is my purpose for coming on this trip and why haven’t I found it yet?” I never thought I would be doing two months of church encouragement straight out the gate. I never thought I was going to be the one needing to be healed and I never thought I would hear Him say, “Wait for me, wait on me, and wait in me.” So rather than expect nothing, I was told by Him to expect to have all my expectations blown to pieces.
I must die to myself. Easier said than done but that pretty much sums it up. All of this death has been about the “I” that I brought to this season; my way, my comfort, my thinking, my expectations, and myself. How can I serve God and love people when I am in the way? The answer is I can’t! I must die so that He can work. I am not but a vessel for His use. It is not my kingdom that He is furthering but His! He has created us all different yet in His likeness for a reason. We must seek His likeness in Him, in His creation, and in His people. I grew up learning about seeking His will but it was not until I handed mine over that I could truly do His.
Luke 14:26-27 “If anyone comes to me and does not HATE his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and EVEN HIS OWN LIFE, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.”
