I haven’t written in a while. It wasn’t that I didn’t have a million things to say, thousands of experiences to share, and even a hundred prayers to pray. It was the fact that every time I sat down to type, instead of flowing words there were flowing tears filled with really hard memories. They tell you the race can be hard but that doesn’t prepare you for the achings, the breakings, and in this case even the quakings that your heart will endure.
I came on the race because I felt a calling; a longing to know Him more and to know myself through Him more. Of course the adventure parts sounded great as well, and heading into month four, India, I hadn’t yet been let down. That early morning adventure, seeking the sunrise in the mountains, would surely be an epic one…
It started off rough. I almost even stayed back because the night before my kidney was killing me. I meant to stay back and rest but God had other plans for me. I got the “wake up its 3:30 we’re late” announcement and without thinking hopped up and got into the van. We got to the top of the mountain and couldn’t even see the sunrise. I found myself laying on the ground, in pain, and asking God how I could possibly be used that day while being so tired and pained.
And then it happened. We got the call in our van that our friends in the second van had been in an accident. They said it wasn’t bad but I knew it was and when we got there I ran to find that what I feared was true. There were my friends lying on the street covered in wounds. For a split second I thought, “God where were…” And then I looked at the van and knew He had saved everyone of their lives. The rest of that day seems like a blur; helping the ambulance driver know who to put where and riding along to the hospital, hearing the words that my friend wouldn’t be able to walk again, and then remembering that I serve a God of miracles and praying that prayer every day since. I thought it was too much for everyone involved. And then it kept coming…
I stayed in the ICU with my friend the night after her surgery and in the morning it happened… I had been ignoring the signs while helping her but could no longer; I had an impacted kidney stone that the ER doc said I would have to have surgery for. I couldn’t for the life of me see how this was to play into the picture of me trying to help my friend. And then we ended up in the same hospital room. If I haven’t said it yet, God is good all of the time. And then while scrolling through Facebook in my hospital bed, I read about the most devastating earthquake in Nepal (where my squad was to travel to in two days). Just like I heard that gentle voice prepare me that the accident was bad, I heard that same small voice prepare and tell me that I would still be going to Nepal and that it would be bad. Which we did and it was. (More on that month later).
I don’t think God gives us more than we can handle, but I do think He’ll give us just enough that we know we need Him and that we cannot handle it without Him. He is a God of grace and love. He heals the broken hearted and bandages their wounds (just so happened this was the VBS theme the week before the accident). He chooses some of His most faithful (my friend) to carry some of the heaviest loads and prepares you/me for the incoming storms we endure. God doesn’t always called the equipped, but He does equip those who He calls.
Just a side note, I am officially half way through the race! 🙁 I am still in need of about $3,500 that was due a couple days ago. I appreciate all of the support and prayers and ask for you all to pray that more funding would come in. I know I was called to this race, this squad, and this team for such a time as this, and I pray that my time here is not over. Thank you for all the love and prayers, I miss you all!
