You may have noticed something if you’re a careful follower of mine… yes, there has been a great disparity between how much I used to blog and how much I blog now.
Allow me to explain!
- I no longer have constant internet in Nepal. We take a bus to get to an internet café.
- I’m 7 weeks away from being home, and well… I hate to say it, but I won’t be blogging on here anymore… I’m trying to get a feel for how I will transition back into my personal blog, no offense. So I’ll be writing about things aside from the world race, so you could say my thoughts may already be prematurely in transition.
- God has been doing a LOT in my life. An overwhelming amount. And it makes it hard to summarize or do it justice. I could just list out what I’m doing here, and what ministry looks like, but that’s so shallow. I don’t like shallow. I don’t need to waste your time with shallow. Here’s shallow: I’m in Kothe, Nepal, we hike to go visit believers and encourage them. It’s really beautiful here, lots of mountains and a rushing river. It’s spiritually dark, so please pray for us to get good sleep, as my team hasn’t been sleeping that well. —That’s not a blog, that’s a status update. I’m not going to post a blog just so you know I’m alive. That’s not how I approach this blog. Add me on facebook or follow me on Twitter (@heyheyhelena) for travel days/arrival/survival/brief kinds of updates. You should follow me on Twitter regardless, though 😉
- I’m in a waiting season. Not exactly sure why waiting makes me be quiet, but waiting makes me a little quieter than the usual. I’m holding my breath, praying and waiting on God to open up the door into my next season.
So, for those 4 reasons, you’ve probably noticed the lack of blogging on my part. Throw in travel days and just the great sigh of relief to be out of Africa for now, and back into Asia… and then realizing that there’s just no place like home… and then realizing that I need not set high expectations of what “home” will feel like, because it’s no comparison to my heavenly home, and letting God tend to my irreparable heavenly homesickness and and and and see what mean?
And then throw in that I’m most likely (see, I have to wait on this stuff) moving and my “home” will change, and I am getting so excited about seeing my family that I could cry… but I won’t cry now, because I have to focus on the task-at-hand, but then I take it to the Lord and He says “it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to process” so I find myself in quite the pickle here, because…
I am free.
Completely free.
Free to write. Free to not write. Free to move to anywhere. Free to think about tomorrow. Free to think about today. Free to think about both today and tomorrow, whenever I want to. Free to dream. Free to not dream. Free to have feelings for somebody. Free to doodle about my future ministry. Free to laugh. Free to cry. Free to feel different emotions. Free to transition from world race crazy to a familiar-yet-no-longer-the-same crazy.
I am free.
My Father has purchased for me a very expensive freedom, worth more than an arm and a leg… it’s worth a whole body and every drop of the most precious blood. It’d be a great shame for me to waste it, especially during such an important time in my life. This freedom, hand-in-hand with the gift of the Holy Spirit, is my assurance that there is no place I can go, and nothing I can do to be away from my Father. We’re stuck. He’s in me, I’m in Him, we’re one thing. I abide, He abides, I remain, He remains. I’m insured. He’s not my puppeteer, but my Counselor. He fills me with discernment and cushions me with grace. I can’t go wrong in this scenario, and that freedom is INCREDIBLE! No, seriously, it’s hard to believe it. I’d be much more comfortable with a God who says “do this and this and now do that” and spoke a to-do list in my ear on the daily, with blessings and curses for my obedience or disobedience.
Sounds familiar, huh?
But that’s no longer how He operates. With sin, of course, there is right and wrong, blessings, consequences. But with life choices?
He gives clarity, He gives wisdom, He gives the Holy Spirit.
He commands me to accept His love and love, and then He says “be free, my beautiful daughter!”
He also says He cares about every little thing, and that my desires and my creativity and my dreams MATTER!
What a good Father :]
He wants me to do what I love for His glory, because He created me to love, for His glory. He doesn’t care about worldly power, comfort, success, or recognition from the secular standpoint (Luke 6:20-26). He cares more about how I love Him than what I do, because what I do will reflect my love for Him anyway.
That’s a GOOD Father.
I’m trying to wrap my mind around all this freedom and love, as I gear up and prepare to walk through another one of God’s open doors. Please be in prayer for me. The Holy Spirit is still teaching me more about prayer, so if you have any prayer requests, send them to me!
Bear with me as I process and wait.
I love you all with a great love.
