It amazes me how fast time flies. I left 9 months ago feeling like home was a lifetime away but now, all of a sudden, I have 9 days until I will be back home!!!
The past 9 months has been the best yet hardest time in my life, and I will cherish each unique moment forever. I reflected on each country using journal entries from my time there to share with you a little bit of what I have learned.
Costa Rica:
letting go and surrendering
“His love is a love that holds on tight, it doesn’t let us go, it doesn’t abandon us, it fights till we are found. God doesn’t need perfect people to do the things he has planned. He choses people who can be self centered and flawed. I know the mistakes that have dominated my life but, those mistakes don’t define me. They have kept me far from God. I don’t really ever ask Him to protect me. I easily turn to things in my life for protection- relying on them rather than relying on God to keep me safe and secure. I’m grateful for my past because its shedding light on my present. I have found myself looking for understanding like it’s silver or gold. Asking myself how I got so far from the God who defines my life. God is going to use my unknowns for His good. ” October 16,2018
The beginning of the race had a lot of letting go for me. I got really sick early on and didn’t understand why. I wanted to move so fast but God was teaching be to be still. I became ok to the idea of surrendering the things I was holding on so tightly to. Forgiveness began to shine into my life. I forgave myself and was ready to embrace new ideas.
I learned to let go of the idea of religion and grasp the idea of relationship with Him. On the race, we all come from different backgrounds, different church denominations and different family lifestyle, but we are all pursuing one thing: a relationship with the Father.
“He didn’t come to start different religions, He came to start relationships with us, to teach us and to be our friend” October 22, 2018.
“He isn’t a religion to me, He is my best friend. He fills my life with meaning & hope & love. He took my brokenness, and continues to take my sorrow & turn it into something beautiful.” November 20, 2018
I read Everybody Always by Bob Goff in Costa Rica. It changed my perspective and point of view on a lot of things. One of my favorite quotes was:
“BIG faith doesn’t NEED big words” Comparison was so easy in Costa Rica. Putting 50 strangers together who were all kinda similar, but very different brought a lot of room for me to compare myself to the people I lived with. When I would compare myself to others, I would miss home the most and would find myself dwelling in the past. I was having a hard time being content with ME, I had an identity crisis. But I quickly learned that comparison is the thief of joy. “I know now that I am full of life, a child of the King, joyful, His greatest creation. I am caring, I take care of those who mean a lot to me, I am bright. I am letting go of past hurts and discovering new passions. I am learning, trustworthy, and loyal. I am friendly, I am kind and hardworking. I am loved” November 16, 2018.
God isn’t wowed by our fancy words, he delights in our humble hearts.
One of my favorite memories: For the three months I lived in Costa Rica I had the privilege of knowing Alfredo, the greatest man in the world. He drove a giant bus to shuttle my group to and from ministry each day. Alfredo spoke absolutely no English, and I spoke very little Spanish, so you can imagine the extent of our conversations. We resulted to singing songs on the bus rides or laughing at each other to communicate, and it was great. The best thing about Alfredo though, was that he made an effort to learn everyones names. Everyday, as soon as he saw me, he would point and say “Helen!”. It was so simple yet made me feel so loved. He knew me and never confused me with anyone else. On our last night in Costa Rica we had a time of celebration as a whole group, so of course Alfredo was there. At this point, he was family. As the night came to an end, Alfredo wanted to say his final goodbyes. He stood up in front of everyone and started giving a speech. We had a translator, but Alfredo was speaking too fast and passionately to give her time to translate. We all just sat there, not understanding a word but hearing the love in his voice. He truly loved us, not just as a group but as individuals. To prove it, he pointed at me and said the same thing he had said countless days before: “Helen”. Alfredo then went around and said each persons name in my group. All fifty-two of us. He knew every single one and touched every single heart in the room. I won’t ever forget that moment, and I won’t ever forget the impact Alfredo had on my life. He taught me that love is much simpler than we make it out to be. Just remembering someones name can make them feel loved and important. Alfredo brought light to my days in Costa Rica, and I will cherish the time I had with him for many years to come.
South Africa:
Wonder and trusting
“As I was laying in the beach sand today, I watched the ocean waves crash onto my feet. I began to let go of the expectations for my life that the Lord has not promised me. We can only build one sand castle at a time, either ours or Gods, or they will both be subpar and falling down. Because the waves never stop coming and we can not multitask two lives. We can either walk in what we think is best and get disappointed or we can walk in the Fathers plans for us, that will lead to a life of peace and fulfillment. I may say I trust God but do my words reflect my thoughts and actions? I can’t walk in His plans for me unless I am fully trusting Him. I still have mountains of growth to grow in this one aspect of my life, but trust is becoming easier. The sense and feeling of trusting is something that is becoming more familiar. Emotional, spiritual, mental and physical t r u s t. God teaches me through every situation I am in. And when I let go and let Him in, this feeling becomes simple.” March 2nd, 2019
As my time continued in Africa and on the race,I have been in many situations that simply require trust. Trust is something you learn throughout your life. I am not an expert in this, but before the race, I was very anxious about a lot of things. I was anxious of both things that are not in my control and things I shouldn’t worry about. As Matthew 6 say “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” I’ve learned to take it one day at a time and give God the worries of my heart.
In late January, Global, the school we were volunteering at, took us on a retreat at a place called Eesteriver. It is the most beautiful place I have ever been.
“I am currently sitting in front of one one the coolest things I’ve ever seen. I now have a mental image of roaring waters. Your love is stronger and mightier than the ocean my eyes are seeing right now. How could you not be real? Even the small waves have such an impact. I wish I had words to describe this. It simply makes me wonder. Wonder about all the other secret places of the world. Lord I want to be caught up in your wonder. I could sit here forever and still be in awe of every single wave.” January 12, 2019
Wonder is such a beautiful thing. Wonder allows us to dream and imagine. It allows us to be creative and ask questions. In my time in Africa, I spent a lot of my time caught up in the wonder of the present.
On our last day of ministry I wrote:
“Today was the most bittersweet day ever. My heart is sad and aching, missing the joy these kids brought to me everyday. They taught me how to wonder. How to NOT forget what its like to be a kid. To see child like faith in action. They showed me hope. What its like to not have much, yet still be full in the kingdom of heaven. To find the joy in silly games and doing funny little dances. Thank you God for letting me spend my days with these kids” February 20, 2019.
I will cherish the time spent with my three year olds in my heart forever. Jeffreys Bay became my home. I completely fell I love with the people and the atmosphere. I was able to truly find the quiet and the peace in each day. I began to dream, to imagine; to wonder.
One of my favorite memories: In our backyard, we had a huge open field perfectly placed for running, dancing and rejoicing as the sun set every night. It was my favorite time of everyday. Running in the openness -feeling so alive. I was able to see just how creative our God is. In the midst of the sunset, I discovered that I feel closest to God when I am surrounded by, in, under and around His beautiful creation. How lucky are we that our God made creation SO beautiful. And as I would sit & say goodbye to the sun every night, He reveled His love for me shines brighter than the sun. A love that shines into my soul. When I’m surrounded by darkness He shines a beam of light and a sprinkle of His presence(or love) anywhere. The light in me is His, the shine and rest in my eyes is all from his shining grace. I know there will be sunset balls in heaven. <3
Thailand:
experience and leaning back
“It’s nights like these that I will always remember. Nights where we rejoice for all the things He has done in our lives and give thanks to Him in the circumstances we sometimes find ourselves in. The past 2 months at Agape have FLOWN by. I fell in love with the kids, just as I do in every country. The goodbyes truly never get easier. Agape has become a special word for me. While it is the name of the home where my best friends live, it means love from the father. It’s a love that I truly can’t begin to understand. The love I feel for these kids is nothing compared to the way God loves them. I can try my hardest to love them unconditionally, but I am just a small fraction of the way you love them God. My experiences with these kids have brought me a joy deep in my soul. While the tasks may have been repetitive, the kids made everyday a new adventure. Thank you for being with them Jesus, thank you for being there with me.” April 29, 2019
Resting was a new concept for me in Thailand. There is a song called Lean Back, you should go listen to it, it talks about leaning back into the loving arms of our Father and just being still. “I’ve experienced true rest, time apart from worries or obligations, time in your midst God. I have always kinda felt like I was searching for something, looking around and around. But you Lord live in me and you are complete in me! You fill my soul. All of the fruits are dwelling in me because you live here. Your home is in my heart. You saved me and I will never leave your love God.
With open ears and open eyes, my heart is yours forever.” April 24, 2019.
“Today I found this quote:
Even in the waiting, I hope you keep on creating. I hope that you keep filling that journal of yours with late night prayers and whatever thoughts and feelings and stories belong there because all this is apart of something so much greater than you… the gritty grace-filled process of light at work in you. And one day you will look back on seasons like this in awe of how far you have come.
Creating and waiting, I’m thankful for the season that Thailand has brought, for the faces I got to meet and the adventures I got to go on. My life with you is an adventure everyday. Thank you for the memories I will hold close to my heart, Thailand, I love you!” April 30, 2019
One of my favorite memories: SONGKRAN is basically a nation wide water gun fight. In Thailand, it is a three day celebration of the new year. Everyone surrounds the streets of Thailand and throws water at each other. I lived in Chaing May, Thailand, which happened to be where the biggest celebration of Songkran occurred! For three days straight we ran around the streets of Chaing Mai, getting completely soaked and having the time of our lives. It was so refreshing and is now up there on on of my favorite holidays <3
Myanmar:
faithfulness and seeing
One of my favorite memories: On our first day in Hakha, my team & I walked around the city to see what we could do for our time here. We stumbled across a gym & headed in to see how much a day pass would cost. As we talked to the gym owner, a man approached us & asked us to teach him English! So we scheduled a time for the next day & went on our way. Around 3:00 the next day my teammate, Natalie, and I went to the gym where we said we would meet him and waited. My now close friend, Pasui, showed up and from that day on, Natalie and I meet with Pasui everyday. We would teach him English and he would teach us all about the history of Myanmar and Chin State (where Hakha is located). My time with Pasui quickly became what I looked forward to most everyday. He thanked us so graciously every time we would meet together, but we were the ones learning so much. Pasui taught me how to bold. He had a desire to learn English and simply put himself out there. As time went on Pasui took us on field trips all around Hakha. One day he surprised us and took us to a strawberry field. We sat down and watched the farmer pick the berries. They brought the fresh strawberries to the table along with condensed milk, sugar and chilis with salt. It was one of the best days of my life. We spent hours eating strawberries and conversing about life and Jesus. Before getting to Myanmar, a lot of people expressed the saying “ God is saving the best for last” to my team. I truly believe he is the reason my time in Hakha was unforgettable. A few of us got the chance to go to his house for dinner and meet his family. They welcomed us with open arms and feed us the best food I had eaten in months. They again thanked us for enjoying THEIR food and felt honored to have us there with them. I sat there in complete awe of this man who had welcomed us into his life and given so much of his time to us. I want a heart that willing to serve and welcome people into my home. Pasui helped make my time in Hakha one of my favorite times on the race. All because he saw a couple white girls in the middle of a gym and Myanmar and thought, “I wanna learn English”!!!
“Always Faithful. I’ll say it again He is Always Faithful. He works all things out. For the first time in my life, I completely gave control over to God for something and it was worked out perfectly. (Side note: I was having a hard time finding roommates to live with next year). You didn’t have to worry, you didn’t need to take everything into your control and go x games mode on looking for people. It all just worked out. Because He is a God who hears your prayers and collects your tears!!!! It all worked out pretty perfectly! Always Faithful. Something else really cool that I have been able to see through this is Pasui. When I prayed about Myanmar, I asked God to place someone in my life who would be my friend forever and who would make my Myanmar experience unforgettable. I thought it would be one of my third graders or someone in our hostel, but it’s the people we would least expect that He picks to have the greatest impact.
And as I walk though this life with you God, help me remember these moments. The moments where I am reminded of just how faithful you are and how you provide for us, even if we simply ask for a friend.” May 15, 2019
Although the seasons are changing, i am confident in who I am in Him.
I am able to look back on my time in these countries thankful for the people who have changed me, the things my eyes have seen and the ways my heart has grown. I have been living my dream for the past 9 months. I have learned just how adventurous a life with Him truly is. Of course there were hard times, times I wanted to go home, times I have wanted to lay in my bed in my room alone. But I wouldn’t trade any of those times either. Because they have brought me here, right where my feet are.
I have made life long best friends. People know will be around for the long run. People who have seen me at my best and at my worst, and love me with unconditional grace anyways. I am so SO thankful for each one of my teammates who make our mosaic so unique and one that has reflected onto who I am. My team of 8 have been together every day for the past 9 months and life with them has become normal! I can’t express my gratitude for each one of them.
To my supporters:
Thank you so much for following me on this journey. For constantly praying for me and helping me raise the money so I could experience this world. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for your giving hearts. I will hold you all close in my heart forever, thanking God for your generosity.
Next Year: Im attending Santa Fe in Gainesville, Florida! The current dream is to be a wedding planner, but who knows 🙂
Make today count<3
~ Helen
