There is a battle going on inside my head….to live for money, safety, reliance, what’s smart, to build a family around a career, to live in comfort…but will this truly be fulfilling. I am not going to lie, though I am here at Project Searchlight, learning how to begin my kingdom dream, and how to live every bit of life for the Lord, Satan is using voices in my head saying I need to “grow up”…get a “real job”…do mission trips on free time and “build my family around my career” All these things are ok…but are they living mission mindedly…is this really what the Lord called me to do. When I got home from the Race, the Lord told me that my life will not look at all like the rest of family’s lives. I come from a family of teachers. Do not get me wrong, this is a wonderful vocation and they all are wonderfully gifted at it…but as for me…I ALWAYS said I would NEVER be one. The Lord told me that I wouldn’t be NORMAL. I fought with this idea in my head as it rolled and rolled around in my head, and praying over the battle, the Lord revealed that I am not on this earth for comfort and though it is” smart” to get a job where you get good benefits and decent pay…maybe one day buy house, isn’t it smarter to follow the Lord who gives and takes away…who is bigger than this universe and owns everything…even J.K. Rowling’s money? He could decide to take that away!
I want to say that I have faith and will give every bit of my future to Jesus….but to be honest…I am a little skeptical…..it has been somewhat easy taking the babysteps of going to beachproects with Campus outreach, taking time off of school to get help that I needed, following the lord in small things…but all that time, I was giving over little areas of my life….He is asking me for my LIFE….this means my job, my future husband, my family, my heart, my finances….or lack there of, my pride, my friends, my car, my things…EVERYTHING…He is asking for them. I want to say yes…and stay on this side of the fence…but that is not going to work.
I AM IN BATTLE!!
