I don’t know anyone that really enjoys being vulnerable. I know I don’t! Being vulnerable requires me to show people what I am really feeling inside. To stop hiding behind my walls and my “I’m doing great” response and tell people how I am really feeling. It takes a lot of courage because I don’t know how they are going to respond. Will they think I’m crazy or will they be able to relate and connect with me on a deeper level? Is it worth the risk? I have only been on the World Race for two weeks and I have already had lots of opportunities to grow deeper in what it means to be vulnerable.
The vulnerability story I want to focus on comes from our second Saturday here. My teammate, Justin, was preaching at our young adults meeting, and his topic was how we as Christians should not conform to this world. He explained that instead of chasing after our desires, we should ask God to burden our hearts and give us His eyes for the hurting and broken people around us. Justin invited everyone to come up to the front that wanted to have their hearts broken again for God’s people. As soon as Justin finished speaking I felt God ask me if I would be the first one to step out in courage and lead through being vulnerable. Usually in my life I have been a follower. In a situation like this previously I would have either not gone up at all, or waited for a bunch of other people to come up first. I waited a few seconds, but no one was moving! As I sat there I kept hearing God say that He wanted me to lead. So I did it. I went up front and prayed that God would show me His heart for the people of Indonesia.
As I was sitting there images of the Indonesian people that I had seen a few days before came flooding into my mind. They are sitting in their makeshift storefronts selling homemade food, sodas, and candies, making just enough money to scrape by. The structure is made out of wood boards with a metal roof. The floorboards of the building bridge the gap over the sewage trench that runs next to the sidewalk. The people greet me with the biggest smiles yelling “hello” in their broken English. My heart ached for them and how little they have. Then the tears came. As I knew they would. God showed me how much He loves each person and that He has not forgotten them. There is still hope, and we are here to share it. So all of this is happening, and I am sitting on the stage crying in front of fifty of my new Indonesian friends because God told me to lead, and you know what? NOT ONE PERSON FOLLOWED ME! Talk about awkward! In Indonesia the people tend to be shy before they get to know you. So maybe they were all just too scared, or maybe they didn’t feel God calling them. But I hope that God touched their hearts and that they were able to see my heart for them and their country.
Now if I thought I was being vulnerable that was nothing compared to a girl we met at one of the orphanage schools that we went to this last week. This girl was in junior high, and at first glance I thought she might have some special needs. I came to find out that she was completely blind AND had special needs. We talked to the class and taught them some songs, and then before we left this girl told the teacher that she wanted to sing for us. The teacher lead her to the front of the class and she sang You Raised Me Up completely in English. Check out this video that my teammate, Tessie, got of her:
Isn’t that incredible?!? She is an orphan in Indonesia with special needs and completely blind, and through it all she has such faith in God. I don’t know about you, but I got wrecked! Talk about courage and vulnerability! She had no clue who we were, what we looked like, or if we were even listening to her. We could have been making faces, or gotten up and left, and she wouldn’t even know. She courageously sang for us anyway. All I can say is that I have a lot to learn from her!
On the World Race I am going to be stretched and I will be doing things for God that are downright hard. But as I get ready to do them, I am going to think about this girl and how she stepped out in courage and vulnerability and shared her gift with us. It will help me put my fears and anxiety in perspective and remind me to trust Him to raise me up and be with me each step of the way. I pray that her story will do the same for you.
In Him,
Heidi
