The whole month of Ecuador seemed as if I couldn’t run away from weeds; whether serving at the farm or Camp Hope if you would ask me; “what did you do today?”, the answer would consistently be “pulled weeds”.
Coming into Ecuador, I was very anxious to see fruit from my labor. Fruit was produced, just oranges instead of the apples. Turns out the Lord had some weeds to pull from my heart to make room for apples to grow. On Friday, October 27th, I opened my bible to Matthew 10. As I began to dig in, the Holy Spirit began to take me further and further in, plowing at my heart, loosening up the weeds.
When Jesus sent out his twelve disciples he gave them a few commands. First, He told them where to go, what to say, and what to do. Then, He asked them to be sensitive to the Spirit. Lastly, He commanded them to provide neither money, tunics, sandals, or staffs. Being human, I asked the Lord why the discussion weren’t allowed to take simple ‘necessities’ such as clothing and shoes. The Holy Spirit, being nothing but a good teacher, began taking me on a journey.
We (Holy Spirit and I) began by making a list answering why:
Money- He wanted to be their provider
Tunics- He wanted to be their comfort
Sandals- He wanted to be their director
Staffs- He wanted to be their protector
Then the Spirit began knocking at my heart, prompting the core of my heart to elevate to the surface. For so long, I unknowingly had taken pride in my independence. Society does a very nice job of celebrating independence; thus, I concluded that I was on the right path. The funny thing is along with taking independence (dependent on one’s self) comes much SELF, such as; self-confidence, self-admiration, self-righteousness, self-love, self-pity, etc. , ultimately producing selfishness.
The majority of Ecuador, I meditated on The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. This book was a huge tool that the Lord used to take me deeper still by opening my eyes to a new revelation. In the Old Testament only one priest could enter into the presence of God, the physical veil separated the rest of humanity. When Jesus died on the cross, the veil of the temple tore in half, allowing the opportunity for all to enter into His presence of the Almighty God. The thing is, we have created another veil in our hearts, withholding us from His presence, and that veil is our SELF.
On October 27th, the Lord called me HIGHER. He began to show me that I had not fully denied my SELF, taken up my cross and followed Him (Matthew 16:24). My SELF was a barrier to His provision, His comfort, His direction, and His protection; and ultimately also all the grace He has to offer. I had allowed my SELF to deplete the work of the cross in my life.
I am learning to be dependent fully on my Savior so that my SELF no longer has a say in where to go, what to say, and what to do, so that He can reign unchallenged in weedless soil. If I, myself, had the confidence that I could do much, how much more can my Heavenly Father, the Creator of the Universe do if I put my confidence in Him.
It happens that sometimes we allow our SELF to be a veil causing us to be blinded to what’s on the other side; we tend to forget that the person we are surrendering to is the Savior of the World and is nothing but GOOD. We can’t pull the weeds ourselves; we simply have to open the gate so that the Gardener can enter into His garden, where He can then plant seeds, which we then have the honor of bearing for His glory (somebody say Amen). In denying ourselves and exalting God over all, we find our own highest honor upheld; we are not degrading ourselves as men, rather we find our right place of high honor as one made in the image of our Creator.
“For the LORD has chosen Zion, he has desired it for his dwelling, saying, “This is my resting place for ever and ever; here I will sit enthroned, for I have desired it. I will bless her with abundant provisions; her poor I will satisfy with food. I will clothe her priests with salvation, and her faithful people will ever sing for joy.”
Psalm 132:13-16
