Sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way you expected. One minute you’re preparing to move cities with your team and the next you are sitting on a call looking out at the Adriatic Sea being told you’re going home.
I was measured on the AIM’s team leader scale and found wanting. Leadership made the call to pull me from the field for the sake of my team and myself. The news came as a shock to both me, my team, and I’m sure everyone who has found out (maybe even you as you’re reading this).
Failure, shame, betrayed, brokenhearted, but an undercurrent of all these emotions I feeling was also hope. What are you up to, LORD?
If it was up to me, I would’ve finished at the allotted time with my team. But God doesn’t promise us a tomorrow and he didn’t promise me that I would finish with them.
I know I’ve made mistakes. I’ve harmed people with my words, I’ve isolated and withdrawn when maybe I shouldn’t, and I can always improve on articulating what I need. But I won’t stay down.
Failing is part of life and I’m learning to embrace it and some day soon I hope I can enjoy it. There was a time in my life where I would have held a grudge against the people responsible for this. Maybe even I’d write a blog with a super click bait-y title and go into a whole defense about why I shouldn’t be sent home and why leadership is wrong, but if anything it’s a testimony to the power and work of the Holy Spirit in my heart. I tear up thinking about how much He has changed me. Everyday I seek Him and I slowly am looking more like Christ and the freedom I have from embracing the gift of humility. I decided I wont get bitter, I’ll get better.
The past two months (three if you count leader training) has been a grueling process of refinement. I have wrestled with hard things and have claimed victory over many battles of the mind. I’ve been able to share the love of Christ and the gospel with several people. I’ve been able to intercede in prayer for ministry and step out in boldness and pray for people struggling on the battlefield of life. And through it all I’ve made some sweet friends along the way.
If I had to go back and change anything from my time on the field, I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s been an honor to serve with O squad for such a time as this.
I only look ahead to what the LORD is doing and where He is taking me. Because I know His way is better and this is where He is leading me.
To O Squad,
I love you. Don’t think for a second I wont continue reading your blogs and following your journey. And know you are in my prayers and never far from my thoughts. If there is any way I can support you from afar during your time on the field or when you return to the States, don’t hesitate to reach out.
To my supporters,
Thank you for supporting me on this journey. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it. I can’t wait to see those of you I can and share all that God did that I didn’t get to blog about and pray for you. I will continue to pray for all of you on my subscriber sheet. <3
To AIM leadership,
Thank you for being a team that prays through tough decisions like the one you made. I know whether it was the right one or the wrong one, the LORD will use it to glorify Him. If there is any way I can support you or pray for you, let me know. We are still the body of Christ.
Prayer Request
- That I would continue to rely on the Holy Spirit to guide me in my life and decisions. I have some ideas of what’s next that I’m excited to share, but as scripture says “man makes his plans but the LORD directs his steps”. I will trust in the LORD with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.
Saying goodbye to my crazy team as they head to Lushnje to work with a host.
Allie bought me a consolation cappuccino and it came with a quote that I felt was really timely.
Here’s a song that has been really comforting during this time.
