Setting: Debriefs with our leaders, coaches, and mentor in Taipei, Taiwan. Every night is worship night. (Can I get an amen??)
We were supposed to be worshipping God, but I suddenly became aware that even if I was singing along, my mind was far elsewhere. (John 4:23-24.) Sorry!!! Sorry—I’m so sorry, Lord. Where was I??
An image had just been in my mind: It was of a bird with wings like stained glass made of vibrant gemstones and a long neck of gold. Captivating in beauty, and I wanted it.
Where did that thought and image come from? I’ve never seen anything like it. If this has some meaning to You, Lord, explain it to me.
I remembered then that I had been daydreaming about shopping for earrings in the street market since I gave my only pair away in Japan. Oooohhhh, this is all about jewelry. I’m supposed to be worshipping. How shallow of me.
But it wasn’t just about earrings: For weeks I have been longing to somehow get my frizzmop of waves cute without products or hair tools, to somehow interpret the Japanese and Chinese characters to be able to purchase eyeliner and not a brow pencil or waterproof cement for my lashes. And to have a new shirt so I’m not wearing the same thing every day!!!
Oh, Lord, after robbing You of all the gifts You would have given me by not waiting on Your provision, after robbing You of peace in my heart and mind by worrying about my packing list for this trip… I finally trusted that You would provide this tiny, simple thing, a pair of earrings. I set my heart to wait on You. Then I saw earrings and got tired of waiting—how simple it would be to take this matter into my own hands! To not depend on You or wait on You for anything—earrings are so small a matter, after all. I thought surely it’s not a big deal or it’s silly to think You would endear my heart to You through such a gift. But if You want me to keep waiting on You, then I can wait—I can surrender this to You.
The image arose again in my mind, but this time a foot came down upon the bird’s neck to crush it. It’s not a bird, but a bejeweled dragon, an idol masquerading as an object of light and beauty, a visual trickery seducing for an oath of peace and loyalty but ready to rob me of my inheritance. It’s still of gold and gems, but it’s hideous to me now and I don’t want it anymore. Crush it, Lord, crush it dead.
Abba, Daddy, I have such a distorted view of beauty—and of my beauty. If You told me right now that I’m beautiful, would I listen and agree, or smile distrustfully and back away, like I did to the stranger man in the market in Taiwan today? Would I laugh and wave my hand dismissively like I did to my squadmate—my skin? Haha—do you see these blackheads, pores, and pimples? “Kire! Beautiful!” Thank you (but inside I justify that it’s only because I’m young and without many wrinkles). “Beautiful curls!” Oh—you mean my frizz. STOP.What if, each time, it was really You wanting to tell me, Your creation, that I am beautiful in Your eyes? So, if You told me right now that I’m beautiful to You… would I listen and agree? Please forgive me for not believing You and accepting what You say about me. I am beautiful. Iambeautiful.
I processed some of this with my leaders, my friends. “Have you asked God what He would replace it with?” Not really, not yet. But then my journal reminds me of this verse: “Rejoice in the LORD, O ye righteous: for praise is comely for the upright” (Psalm 33:1). My lips turn up in a slow smile to marvel at His irony, bringing me full circle to worship Him yet more. Dear Jesus, be my adornment as I adore You. I was also told, “Meeting God in worship doesn’t always look like singing.” While I focused on me, I was carrying shame for falling into distraction, but this is about Him, and there is no shame in how I can praise Him: He met me where I was and invited me to converse with Him about what I was stuck in thinking about. HOW AWESOME IS HE, that He descended to talk about earrings and beauty with me, just like He descended as Jesus to be a child? There is no detail too shallow or lowly or humble for Him that He cannot take notice of it, bring healing to it, and shine truth there. So, let me praise God!
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John 4:23-24 “But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”
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2 Corinthians 11:14 “No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.”
- Joshua 9: Check out this chapter for a story about how the Israelites were tricked into making an oath of peace.
