…been so sure I’m in the place God wants me before.
For those of you who get my newsletter, I shared this sentiment
a couple months ago, soon after I moved down to Georgia.
I often struggle with wondering if the place I’m at is the
place I’m supposed to be. I struggled with this during Teach For America. I
struggled with this throughout my 11 months on the Race. And let me tell you:
it’s not a fun struggle.
After a couple years of this type of questioning, I began to
wonder if I was even capable of feeling content anymore.
And then I moved to Gainesville. GAINESVILLE of all places. And
ya know what? For the first time in a long time, I feel content.
Not because life is perfect. Not because I’ve found my dream
job. Not because Gainesville is where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
But because in a deep part of myself, I know this is where God
wants me in this season. So even when things don’t look like I imagined, or
when I’m sitting in front of my computer for 8 hours a day, or when I feel
incompetent at my job, or when it’s February and I’m suffocating from the heat
(okay, yes, slightexaggeration), I can be at peace.
And I have been at peace. At least up until this week. Up until
today
Slowly my support account has been getting lower
and
lower
and
lower.
And I’m now at a place where if I don’t get some donations/pledges
by Monday, I won’t get my next paycheck.
It’s all well and good to say I trust for God to provide while
those paychecks are coming in. It’s a whole ‘nother level of trust to say and
believe God will provide when it’s the 11th hour.
Today I felt the weight of it. I felt the burden of support
raising on my shoulders. And it wasn’t fun. And I felt defeated. And I wanted
to sink into a hole of self-pity and despair.
But money or a lack thereof doesn’t determine my joy. My bank
account doesn’t determine my joy. My circumstances don’t determine my joy. My
God determines my joy. And He is good, and constant, and true.
And He lives in me.
His perfect love casts out ALL fear-even the fear of how my
rent is going to be paid next month.
These are more than pretty little Christian phrases. They are
truths.
They’re the truths I choose to live by.
For my last two months here in Georgia, I need
$3500 of support.
To get my next paycheck, I need $500 to come in
by Monday.
I would be blessed and honored if you would prayerfully
consider supporting me with either a one-time donation or a monthly donation
for my last four months with AIM (two months here in Georgia, two months
leading a trip abroad). To make a donation, click “Support Me!” on
the left side of this screen.
If you don’t feel the Lord calling you to give financially, I
would so appreciate your prayers, both for my finances as well as for my
remaining time here at AIM and with Kingdom Dreams.
It’s an opportune moment for Satan to come in and try to
discourage me, speak lies, and steal my joy, but our God is greater. I would so
appreciate encouragement from you in any form, whether that’s a comment on this
blog, an email, or a phone call.
I can’t imagine doing this without all of you. Thank you for
being a part of this journey, a part of this ministry, and a part of my
life.
