I am a romantic. I am lowkey infatuated with the idea of a relationship made of an authentic, attainable love. The idealist in me loves thinking about the “what ifs,” but this might not be something you can tell just by observing me on the surface. Actually, I feel like I have this part of me so hidden inside my heart and mind that very few people know it exists. The realism and skepticism in me tends to outshine the idealist, romantic parts of my heart. I have not had a great experience in past relationships, which has hardened my heart. Although I am not opposed to my heart swelling for another, I tend to focus on the fact that there is potential for an explosion to occur. Heartbreak does not feel good, and real, good love is not easy to find or sustain.
A few months ago, a discussion ignited about seeing God in a romantic way — as a “soul mate.” I know, I thought it sounded ridiculous, too. I was weirded out by the concept of Abba Father being compared to a romantic soulmate. Even if that wasn’t weird, I didn’t see any similarities between God and the people I’ve had a relationship with. I felt like the metaphor was a stretch, so I shrugged it off and moved on.
Later on, my team leader, Emma, asked me to lead blogging team time. I eagerly agreed because I have a passion for writing. I asked God throughout the week what he wanted me to use the time for, and he left me with the words “love letter.” I’m not going lie, I was pretty confused at first. Amidst my questioning, I decided to just go ahead and research the origin of love letters.
I skimmed a generic article about the history of love letters and discovered that the Bible holds one of the first documented love letters — Song of Solomon.
Fast forward, I decided to read Song of Solomon one morning in India. I discovered that the book is actually a beautifully intricate display of what God has designed marriage to be like, although some of the compliments Solomon gives out are quite comical. This confirmed my belief that God did not create marriage and sex to simply be transactional. He created it as a masterpiece, as something beautiful. My romanticism was not as unrealistic as I thought.
So why have my experiences with “love” been so drastically different than God’s ideal?
I began to ponder this, but decided to leave it alone. Clearly, unpacking my past, as well as my deep thoughts, is not a quick and easy process for me. So, I continued to avoid thinking about this topic… That was until one of my teammates said, “We can’t put the pressure on ourselves to be perfectly enough for someone else, but we also can’t expect someone else to be perfectly enough for us.” This was the start of me getting answers. Relationships fail because we expect other people to perfectly fill the holes in our lives. Relationships fail because we expect other human beings to be perfectly enough while also facing the pressure to be perfectly enough for them as well.
Obviously I’ve known that perfection doesn’t exist, but there was always a small part of me that hoped my future spouse would know what I need and understand me 100% of the time, or at least more than anyone who’s in my life currently. Now I realize that a soul mate does not equate to a mind reader. While my original perception was skewed, I do believe that relationships can still be a beautiful thing despite the hard, messy, and seemingly impossible parts. At this point, the realist in me was 100% confirmed in its beliefs, but I could still feel the idealist in me fighting for a spot in my heart.
With this realization slowly settling in, I began to ponder the concept of relationships and love. If love and understanding in a relationship, marriage, or even friendship won’t always be perfect or enough, there has to be something more. My mind raced back to the conversation pertaining to seeing God in a romantic way. Finally, it began to click.
His love is always enough.
This is something I knew, but now combining this truth with the previously introduced concept made seeing God in a romantic light seem a little less strange. While it still may be hard to trust God when I put him into a romantic light due to cheating and lies that have been laced into my past relationships, he told me that its okay to wrestle in my thoughts with him. It’s okay to ask him questions because his response is always 100% love and 100% truth. To me, a relationship without trust is not a relationship worth having. A relationship with God holds so much worth because we can always rely on him to answer us honestly in due time.
I heard this song in Malaysia that actually inspired me to start re-pondering this topic in the first place.
If I give my heart to you, will you handle it with care?
Will you always treat me tenderly?
And in every way be fair?
If I give my heart to you, will you give me all your love?
Will you swear that you’ll be true to me by the light that shines above?
And will you sigh with me when I’m sad?
Smile with me when I’m glad?
And always be with me as you are with me tonight?
Think it over and be sure.
Please don’t answer ’till you do.
When you promise all those things to me, then I’ll give my heart to you.
And will you sigh with me when I’m sad?
Smile with me when I’m glad?
And always be as you are with me tonight?
Think it over and be sure.
Please don’t answer ’till you do.
When you promise all those things to me, then I’ll give my heart to you.
If I Give My Heart to You
Doris Day
The answer is yes. He is just and fair. He doesn’t hide pieces of his love from us. When we pursue him, he give us his full heart. He is honest. He cries with us and celebrates with us. He is always there. His promises are immediate and unwavering. He is the epitome of love. When we choose to say yes to life with him, we are saying yes to eternal, perfect love.
Human beings are not perfect. This is not a new epiphany, but I can now look at this in a different light. When we allow God to fill the holes in our lives, he always gives us the perfect amount of exactly what we need. Human beings cannot do this. We should not expect others to be able to, nor should we put the pressure on ourselves to do this for others. Sometimes, we find ourselves stuck in a relationship where we’re trying to fill those holes… However, once we realize we’re not big enough to repair the depths of people’s hurt, we find ourselves scraped up and bruised from the fall into those holes. Our human lack and the other human’s greed in a relationship only results in pain, abuse, and turmoil. Don’t allow yourself to get stuck in someone else’s hole. Don’t get trapped in the darkness of someone else’s lack, past traumas, or hurt. Allow others to heal before you throw yourselves in. Hand God the shovel and allow him to reform the foundations of other humans’ hearts instead.
When I allow God to fill the holes in my life, it creates a space for the romantic in me to roam around freely. Now I can embrace the imperfections in relationships and break down any unrealistic expectations. Now I can focus on the beauty of love rather than the imperfections of human kind. Now, allow this freedom to empower you. Don’t get stuck in a relationship or friendship where you are being hurt, used, or abused. Remember, when our holes are already filled by the Lord’s perfect sufficiency, we don’t need anything else. That’s the beauty of true love. It’s not the goal or a necessity, but it’s a beautiful, wonderful, and intricate part of the journey of life. Don’t settle. Allow the Lord to fill you with his divine love. Allow him to guide you into the arms of another human who can give you pieces of his love without holding onto the expectations that they will perfectly reflect God. For love is from the Lord, but relationships and romantic partners are not our gods or the centers of our universes.
Here’s my love letter to the Lord…
Dear Abba,
I remember moments that at the time seemed insignificant but now I hold as precious. In the times I felt broken and lost, your spirit comforted and guided me. You allowed me to take things slow, revealing pieces of yourself when I desperately needed something to grasp onto. Now I know that nothing compares to the euphoria that is your love. Thank you for holding my heart with the gentlest grip. Thank you for demonstrating the beauty of gradual love. I am confident in saying that there is no striving in your love. I have ran from you at times yet you still remained with the same amount of abundant grace. I have screamed at and questioned you on multiple occasions, yet you have always met me with the kindest of words and overflowing comfort. You meet my frustrations with understanding like no other. Your empathy is a gift when I’ve felt misunderstood by everyone else in the world. I know that nothing is too much or you to handle. You’ve taken on my great sadness, anger, and frustration with absolute grace. Thank you for validating and sitting with me in my pain. Thank you for guiding me away from the people and things that have hurt me and into the bliss of your love, a love that is more than enough. I also know that I am enough for you — even my messiest parts that I feel would overwhelm the rest of the world are enough for you. You love me as I fall. You love me as I grow. You love me as I am. Even when I neglect you, you still love me, expecting nothing in return. I never want to leave the presence of your love again. Nothing on this earth compares to the greatness of your love for me. The mountains reach oh so high, but you trek to even greater heights for me. The sea creatures instinctually dive deep below, yet you willingly explore the deepest parts of my soul. Your love for me is more abundant than the stars in the sky. The sun will shine for what seems like forever, yet I know that your love will shine eternally. I love you with all my heart, Lord, although I’m not perfect at demonstrating it. I never want to turn back to the days when your love went unnoticed. I never want to escape the presence of your divinity again.
Xo
Heather
